My CD Journey (Part 23) - This could be the farthest I ever go [My Explicit Photo and Video Shoot]

Finally, I can work on this blog entry, “My CD Journey (Part 23)”. This blog post happened sometime in September this year, before my CD gathering in Melaka, that is why the CD gathering blog entry was labelled as “My CD Journey (Part 24). 

My CD Journey (Part 23) is about my recent adult (18+) theme photo and video shoot in Xi’An, China. Yup, you read it correct, an adult (18+) theme photoshoot in China. Initially, I was a bit reluctant to share out this piece but it is part of my journey and I do want to keep a record of it. That is why I was quite hesitant to share and kept sitting on it, trying to find a more suitable time to blog about this. 

This blog post will be quite vivid in terms of the description and revolved around certain sexual theme. If you are uncomfortable or unsure, please do not proceed any further, you have been warned…

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If you are still reading on, that means you want to find out more about what actually happened. Before I get into the details of the what’s, maybe it will be better to understand the why’s first…

Back in the start of 2024, I was surfing X (aka Twitter) and as you know Twitter’s contents are generally unrestricted. I came across a Twitter profile by the name of 摄影师TIGER and I saw his posts are mainly photos and videos of CrossDressers, his content varies from normal photoshoot to explicit photo and video shoot. That really caught my attention and pique my curiosity. Upon seeing his profile, I realised that he is located in Xi’An, China. I was thinking, well, that is quite a far place to visit. Maybe in the near future, I might find him for a photoshoot. Maybe… It was just a wild thought back then but little did I know, that seed of thought that I planted, just grew.

You may be wondering, why so sudden and why did I do it… If you have been following my blog, you will realised that I am in the midst of family planning plus I am going for my job rotation soon. Things on my male alter-self is going at a steady pace and certainly making progress, it seems like 2025 is going to be a super busy year for me. Hence there is a certain time factor that is pushing me to do things before I am fully committed to my family and work. This is the main reason why I decided to accelerate with my plan to visit this photographer. 

The next question, why did I do it… Well, when I crossdressed, I still do get aroused at times if I feel sensual or sexy despite that age is catching up, just that I am in more control of my urges these days. There were times when I feel naughty during my CD session, I will do a short video clip using my mobile phone video just for keepsake (no, I will never share with anyone). So when I saw some Tiger’s work, it does spark my interest actually as the quality of his photos and videos are really professionally done, not like those captured by mobile phones. Coupled with the fact that I am getting older, I do hope to capture some really nice private moments for memories when I am still able to. And with that, it sets everything into motion.

The first thing that I did was to reach out to Tiger using WeChat to establish contact. Luckily, I can converse well in Mandarin, so I was able to write to him to ask him his rate and also the packages he offers. You can see the info below. 

Just a quick summary

Package A is for newbie CD – One set of costume, basic make-up with 6 post processed photos for ¥699

Package B consists of photos and video and an adult hotel, one set of costume, elaborate make-up, 18 post processed photos and an edited video of not shorter than 3 mins. Photography theme can take private parts, private moment, SM and etc. for ¥1988

Package C consists of photos and video and a high class hotel, customizable, two sets of costume, elaborate make-up, 28 post processed photos and an edited video of not shorter than 5 mins. Photography theme can take private parts, private moment, SM, couple shoot and etc. for ¥2988

Since it is still in early part of 2024, I am still not confirmed if I can go to Xi'An, I dare not commit to anything yet. On top of that, I was still thinking whether I will regret if I do the explicit photo and video shoot. In fact, in the communication with Tiger, I actually asked what is the extend of “explicitness” that he is able to shoot, is it just lewd, public exposed, BDSM or what. He was quite open with his theme, which is quite surprising since this is China we are talking about. The next level that I need to overcome is my own moral stand, what is my acceptance level? I told Tiger that I am not sure about the extent of explicitness I can accept but I told him that I am open (for that moment) for discussion and suggestion. Since I have not confirm if I can fly, neither was there a plan, everything was still in infancy stage without a definite answer…

Time flies, before I knew it, June came and I started to wonder if I will ever take the plunge to go to Xi’An. However, just nice, things happened and the stars were aligned, I got the approval from my wife to go on a solo trip (sorry, can’t share the details of how I get the approval, but I can roughly share how I managed to convince her about me wanting to go to Xi’An). There are 2 airlines that fly to Xi’An. One is operated by Scoot, another is by China Eastern. For me, I chose Scoot as they are the only one who offered direct flight instead of stopover. So by July, I just booked the Scoot air ticket to fly over Xi’An in early September. 

My wife did questioned, of all places, why I chose Xi’An for my solo trip. For one, I am an avid fan of China history and Xi’An is a place with rich Chinese history as it used to be the capital for 13 dynasties. Next, where to see Terracotta warriors, which is also known as the 8th wonder of the world. These are the reasons one can use if anyone ever asked what is there in Xi’An.

With less than 2 months to go, I planned my itinerary for my Xi’An trip using a local tour agency that was located in the hotel (the contact was shared by a friend). Even though my main purpose for the trip was the adult theme photo and video shoot with Tiger but I still wished to explore Xi’An as that is part of my objectives also. Luckily with the local tour guide, most of the planning and arrangement was done by her. Once the air ticket, hotel and the itinerary for the Xi’An trip are more or less settled. I began to reestablish my contact with Tiger. This time round, he has a Telegram chat account, so we used that platform to do the arrangement. I give him my trip plan and see which day will he be available for the shoot. He gave me the day and date and I readjust my Xi’An itinerary by removing and rearranging some of the places of interests planned by the local tour guide so that I keep one day free for the photo and video shoot.

So that is the general outline of what happened behind the background. Now, I will go slightly into more details about the preparation and the shoot itself. Before I fly over to Xi’An, I need to prepare myself for the shoot. In fact, the actual preparation started months before the trip was even confirmed. I actually started my weight loss regime at the start of the year when I conceived the idea of doing explicit photo and video shoot. I went to see an aesthetic consultant and was given the advice to reduce my calories intake. I was also prescribed with some injections that I used to help curb the appetite and spike in hunger pangs. That really helped to control my food intake and with a change in my lifestyle, I was able to achieve some level of weight loss and that helped to trim and put my body in a slightly better shape than before. By the time I am supposed to go to Xi’An, I lost a total of over 10kg, I dropped from over 85kg to slightly over 75kg now.    

The next few preparation was my common prep that I will do before I go for any CD shoots or events, I went for my pedicure and manicure. I went for a haircut and also hair removal from my legs, my underarms, my beard region and also boyzillian by Smoovee Skin. Once all these are done, I am all ready for my explicit shoot in Xi’An, really looking forward to it. 

Around a few weeks before flying over to Xi’An, I was discussing with Tiger about the theme of the shoot. He is not really particular about the theme as he told me that he is more focus about the feel and atmosphere. I asked him about things to bring, he said to bring my own personal play toy for anal play but I told him that I have none and I have not tried it before. So, next he asked about my comfort level with BDSM. I told him that I have not really tried it before either. But I told him that I am open to try since I have already taken the step so far… I told him that I have a bullet type vibrator and a Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator that I sometime used to satisfy myself, he said those toys will do. After some consideration, I told him that I wanted to do a widow (未亡人) theme shoot like those JAV, that really sparks his interest as he said he has never done a widow (未亡人) shoot before and he sounded excited. However, he told me that he does not have the costume or accessories for the widow theme shoot. So I told him that I will bring all the items, he just need to provide the wig and a pair of nude pantyhose. 

So I packed all my CD items to be used for the shoot (as shown in the photo below) into a few opaque plastic bags and placed them in the zipped compartment of my luggage. Then I brought the luggage back from my lair and to my home where I continue to pack my other normal used items like men’s clothes and so on. I always try to pack when my wife is not around so that she will not question about what I am bringing for the trip.

I flew to Xi’An as per scheduled, I will not share too much about the whole Xi’An trip but focus more on the arrangement with Tiger and the shoot itself. The shoot was scheduled in the middle of my whole trip there, so I made arrangement to have tours as per normal except on the day where I am supposed to meet Tiger. Throughout this period, I was in contact with Tiger to keep him updated of my schedule, I asked him about where and what time to meet. However, little did I know, my local tour guide arranged for a really packed day one day before the shoot. So I went out early in the morning and followed the tour and only arrived back in the hotel past midnight on the day of the shoot itself. After washing up and packing for the shoot later, I only get to sleep around 2am…

And as usual, I woke up quite early on the day of the shoot. Maybe I was too excited to sleep or it is my usual wake up routine but I woke up at 6am that morning and could not get anymore sleep. Tiger booked a hotel that is outside the main Xi’An city area but it is located in another new city that is known as ChanBa, which was around 20km or 30 minutes’ drive away and the shoot was scheduled around 1pm, so there is really no need to rush, but I was all nervous and excited for the shoot. I prepared the widow costume and all the CD stuff to be used for the shoot into my backpack. However, since it is still early, I went out to do a bit of shopping so that I can account for what I did today. 

Not wanting to be late, at around 11:30am, I was all ready to leave. I confirmed with Tiger that we are meeting at the hotel lobby before I ordered a cab using the Baidu app. It was really easy to get around in China just using Baidu, Didi, WeChat and AliPay apps. Before 12:15pm, I reached the hotel, much earlier than expected, so I find a corner at the hotel lobby to get a bit of rest as the lack of sleep is starting to hit me. I messaged Tiger to informed him that I have reached. However, as something cropped up, he pushed back the meeting time to 1:40pm. He told me to check into the hotel room first so that I can get a good rest. I was doubtful if I can check into the room he booked as I do not have a China ID but Tiger gave me his name and mobile number, and asked me to try.

I went to the counter and told the receptionist that my friend had booked a room and he had asked me to check-in so I gave them his name, I was surprised that the receptionist allowed me to check-in on his behalf. Note that this is a luxury hotel not those back alley type of hotels, so I was really surprised that they allowed me to do it. Anyway, the room was on the 19th floor, so I proceed and went to the room first. I was quite amazed by the interior of the room and the view from the 19 floor was also beautiful as shown in the pictures below.

Not wanting to make a mess of the room before the shoot, I rested at the corner of the sofa for a short-session to rest my eyes. As the Make-Up Artist was late, Tiger messaged me to inform me of the situation. At around 2pm, both Tiger and the MUA arrived. They had asked the receptionist for help to give them the card access to come up so that I do not have to go down and fetch them. After a brief exchange of greetings, Tiger told the MUA to help me do make-up while he get busy with the setting up of equipment. While in the midst of the make-up, I was like asking Tiger about why he started this website or this business and he told me that it was because of his interest. It is really fascinating that he can turn his interest into something that can generate value.

After doing make-up for a while, I then realised that I was still in my guy’s clothing, so I inform them that I need to get change first. I quickly changed into my widow costume and let the MUA continue with her work. The interesting thing was, she was doing my make-up using a picture that she grabbed from the internet, which is a cover for the widow theme JAV. The make-up she used really lighten my skin, which made me look fairer. All these while, Tiger was busy with the setting up of the main continuous lighting and finding the angle that he wanted to shoot.

Soon after the make-up was done and the wig was donned on, I was all ready for the shoot. At first, the shoot went on as normal like any fashion or cosplay shoot, Tiger was directing me how to pose and also the expression. He was operating both a still camera and also a mirrorless camera that is used as a video camera. In his mind, when shooting, he was also trying to form a story for the video. After a while, the Make-Up Artist left, that is when the “real” shoot begin… Tiger started by asking me about my comfort level of play. I told him that if with a girl, I am okay. If with another CD, it is still acceptable but if play with a guy, it was a direct NO. Once he knows my comfort level of play, we proceed on with the more “explicit” shoot.

Initially, I was asked to pose in a sexy manner, like lift up my dress and adjust the stockings, then slowly, it escalated to touch myself. After things are warming up, he told me to use the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator on myself… All these while, Tiger is really professional as he directed and captured both still photos and videos. As things are really heating up, he asked if I have ever tried anal play aka prostate massage. To tell you the truth, I did had one experience of prostate massage but that was back in Singapore, some years back, where I encountered a masseur (those from website type) and she wanted to play the role of SM queen on me, she and her female partner did an anal play or prostate massage on me. It was my first encounter, it felt really strange as the female partner insert her finger into my behind and started to massage my prostate. The feeling was weird but surprising, I did had a climax based on that. However, it was the one time I played and it was quite some time back and I forgot the feeling.

Back to the shoot, so when Tiger asked me, I told him that I did had that one experience and seeing that the explicit shoot was already in such a steamy stage, I told him that I am open to try to let him finger me from behind. So he proceeded to tear a hole into the nude pantyhose I was wearing. However, he realised that he did not have any KY jelly, so he asked if I have any or have a lubricated condom… Luckily for him, I did have some lubricated condoms in my bag (don’t ask me why, I just had a hunch, so I brought some). So Tiger used the lubricated condom to lubricate his finger and he slowly worked his work into my anal… It was such a weird feeling that I felt like I was about to poop. My heart was pounding hard, I was all flustered as his finger goes into my rear and all these while, the video camera was on the tripod recording the whole process…

Besides using his finger, Tiger was also using the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator and pressing it onto my sensitive part. The play was quite intense, he varied the speed and pressure, I was moaning and trying hard not to cum too soon. There were instances I told him to slow down or stop to let me catch my breath so as to calm myself down a little to slow down so that I will not reach my climax so soon. Once a while, he will stop a while just to readjust the video camera angle or take a few still photos throughout this whole process. While all these were happening, Tiger also gave me a wireless mic to be put near to me so that he can capture the sounds coming out from my mouth, e.g. my panting, my heavy breathing and moaning.

I am not sure how long was the play session lasted but it definitely lasted quite a while. I was all exhausted and told Tiger that I was ready to cum. So he got back to his still and video camera and started to record the part where I do self-play and masturbate to reach my climax. And with me reaching the point of no return, I was completely tired out. However, with that ejaculation, I also entered the “sage mode” and get back the clarity in my brain. So I started to clean myself up, get change, remove my make-up and started to pack my items. At the same time, Tiger was also packing up his equipment and so on. 

Once we were more or less settled down, both Tiger and myself chatted a little. I was commenting about the shoot and how intense it was and those breath-taking moment where I have to really calm myself down to prevent cumming. Tiger admitted that he did feel aroused by me during the shoot and that he was wearing a condom inside to prevent “accidental” leak (e.g. pre-cum). Normally, I will be offended but coming from him as a professional photographer and videographer, I take that as a compliment *grin*. He shared a bit more about himself, he told me that he crossdressed also but he is not good with make-up and he prefer to be the one recording as it is his hobby. I was sharing about how this shoot was like the pinnacle of my CD journey as I have never come this far and I would never imagine myself doing all these. I was sharing with him about the preparation that I made and so on. He shared that he should have gotten another CD, who is local, to come along for this shoot. That does piqued my interest but unfortunately I do not know when will be the next time I come to Xi’An again.

Tiger asked if I will like to stay over in the hotel room since he booked it especially for this shoot, but I told him that I already gotten another hotel in Xi’An city and I got to wake up early tomorrow as it is going to be a long day. So I told him that he can have the room instead. Before departing, I presented him with a small gift that I got from Singapore and he also gave me something in return as an exchange. I went down to the hotel lobby and ordered a cab and went back to my hotel. And with that, that ended my first (possibly the last) explicit photo and video shoot in a foreign land. 

The processing of the photos and video clip took a month to complete and I was really pleased with the outcome in terms of the feeling and atmosphere. I will not share out the explicit photos but just a couple of the more normal ones to show all the outfit that I used for the shoot. 

Overall, the shoot was really a mind-blowing experience. Having to travel over 5,000km for a photo and video shoot, an explicit type shoot. It was really my first for both. I have to commend on the make-up by the make-up artist. It is quite well done as it really made me so much fairer and really well suited for the theme. In terms of photography and videography aspects, Tiger really delivered as he promised, his main aim was the capture the feeling, expression, mood, emotion and atmosphere. It is not easy for him to operate both a still camera and a video camera and also change the lighting. The clever use of the wireless mic to capture those heavy panting and moaning that I made and input for the video really just made me blush when I look back at my own video… Really thank you 摄影师TIGER for taking on my request to have this photo and video shoot. I am not sure when will be the next time I can return to Xi’An to visit you but I really hope I will be able to come back for another photo and video shoot and maybe this time, as per your suggestion, with another local CD. Finally, this has come to the end of my blog entry (Part 23), to my readers, really thank you for reading this long blog post to the end. Until next time, Cheers. 

My CD Journey (Part 24-C) - My 2nd Overseas CD Gathering, Miss Y Studio 2024 CrossDressers Year End Gathering [Day 3]

Continuing from my previous post, by the time I headed to bed after cleaning up my make-up and packing CD stuff, it was close to 2am. I tried to get some sleep knowing that today is going to be another long day as I would make the journey back to Singapore. Somehow, I cannot seem to be able to get to sleep. It is not a sense of excitement but more of a sense of unwillingness for this event to end. Slowly, I drifted into dreamland. 

Been a light sleeper coupled with a full mind, I was awaken at around 4am when Micky came back. Seeing that she was back to the villa safely, I then continued to head back with my sleep. I guess this is the part where my sleep enters the REM zone as Jace left around 5am but I did not realised it. I was hoping to be able to bid her farewell but I must have completely knock out when I headed back to bed the 2nd time round.

My normal alarm sounded at 5:45am and i tried snoozing until 6am before I get out of bed. Usually at this time, MSR should be awake but I did not see her around, so that meant that she was not up yet. Since I could not sleep anymore, I decided to do some area clearing and packing up so that we will have an easier time before we check out and return the villa later. 

After I cleaned and finished the chores, I decided to just have a coffee and chill in the patio, watching over the seaside. Not long after, MSR was awake and she joined me for coffee and we both started to chat, enjoying the last few moment of the event before the returning of the villa, much just like last year. 

Not long after, Joyce came with MacDonald breakfast for all of us. We started to get the rest of those who are still sleeping to wake up and have breakfast before they started to pack for the return trip also. Much of what was brought from Miss Y Studio to the villa was put back into Joyce's car last night before she went back, so there were fewer things to pack this time round. 

Last night before Joyce left us for the night, she actually gave each of us a farewell gift that she specially prepared for us. I know that she wanted to give this to us on the last day (which is today) but because Jace has to leave early this morning, so Joyce decided to give the farewell gift last night instead. The farewell gift was a hand-written note of appreciation for the support over the years and also thanking us for signing up for this CD gathering. Of course, she also added her personal note for each of us. Besides the thank you note, Joyce also prepared small blocks of special handmade soap from Mama Lim. These soaps each has some special properties, you can check out Mama Lim's website for more information (they are written in Mandarin though).

By 10:30am, all of us were packed and ready for our return trip, we started to load our luggage into the cars. For the Singapore group, I arranged the transport allocation as there were six of us now instead of the initial five who made the trip on Friday morning. So the plan was to have Felicity and Katie in my car while Rachel will take Amanda and Ashe. At around 11am, Joyce called the villa owner to take over the villa as we cleared out from the place. After checking that there is no damage, the villa owner give us the green light to go ahead. Joyce returned the deposit that we put in for the villa in case there is any damage that might incur during our stay.

And with a heavy heart, we bid farewell and set off for our return trip. WeiEr drove out first and parked by the side while the rest of us drove by her, she waved goodbye to us all. That is really sweet of her. I guess she is also like me, could not bear that the CD gathering is over so soon.

Trip back to Singapore

The first checkpoint that I set was at R&R Pagoh, which is less than an hour drive from Melaka. I sent the location to Rachel and both of set off to meet there. Everything was well, we were on schedule and making good time as the road is relatively clear. 

However, when we were at R&R Pagoh, Rachel’s car are got hit by a reversing car. Thankful everyone in that car was okay, just that her car got a dent by the side. Apparently, the driver of the other car refused to pay and claim that it was a small issue. But a hit is a hit, what more was that the driver reversed without checking the rear mirror or blind spot. So, that driver said to meet him at the next toll. I doubt that this matter can be settled today, so I told Rachel to settle for either to have them pay around RM200 (that is really the least I can think of) or to arrange for a day, drive into JB, repair the car and have the driver to pay for the repair cost.

Not wanting to delay sending both Felicity and Katie back, I decide not to follow Rachel. This is where both groups parted and split up. Too bad my car cannot fetch anymore people because of luggage and passenger space limitation. If not, I would not mind fetching both Amanda and Ashe back so that Rachel can focus on settling the car issue today…

At around 2pm, we reached the next and final rest stop, which was the petrol kiosk before the last toll towards Tuas 2nd link. I did one last petrol top-up and the three of us proceeded on with the border crossing. The traffic was not as heavy as compared to last year when we attended the gathering. Maybe because the CD gathering last year was held in December and this year was held earlier. 

When we reached back in Singapore, it was around 2:50pm. Since the three of us did not managed to get any lunch, we decided to go to a hawker centre for a quick bite before I send both Felicity and Katie back home. But before that, we messaged Rachel’s group to ensure that they were also back in Singapore safely. The driver who reversed onto Rachel’s car said to have the car repaired in JB and they will pay for the repair, the issue is that Rachel will have to drive in and leave the car there. At least, there is some form of settlement for that issue. And with that, we concluded our Miss Y Studio 2024 CD Gathering. 

Post-event Reflection   

For me, after sending those in my car back, instead of going home. I decided to head to my lair to return all my CD stores. While in the midst of unpacking from my luggage and putting the things back to their respective place, a sudden feeling of sadness and loneliness engulfed me. I guess it just strike me that I might not be able to attend the CD gathering next year due to a change in my work and family commitment… Knowing that the CD gathering that just passed could be my last time I am seeing that group of friends, both old and new, and the uncertain fate of Francesca’s future… Tears rolled down my cheek uncontrollably, I cried my heart out at that moment. It has been long since I have such strong emotion reaction. I guess I really needed to let it all out… I will probably write more about my predicament for my 2024 reflection, but let us get on with my post-event thoughts and reflection.

Overall, I feel that the CD gathering this year has been quite successful and enjoyable despite things did not go according to what Joyce initially planned. The initial plan for the event day (Saturday) was for us to dress up and head out to have dinner in a restaurant around the outskirt of Melaka Raya area. In fact, Joyce did secure the dinner restaurant way ahead of time, confirming that the restaurant is fine to cater for a group of CrossDressers like us. Unfortunately, the restaurant ceased operation a month before the CD gathering. So Joyce got no choice but to revert the dinner plan back to buffet style in the villa. 

Sometime, when it rains, it pours… The buffet caterer who took up Joyce’s request was sick days before the CD gathering, so Joyce got to scramble and look for another buffet caterer. Thankfully she managed to settle for one just a couple of days before the CD gathering. It is definitely not easy to organise for this event even though Joyce had the experience from last year inaugural CD gathering. 

What seems to be just a small gathering (for 13 pax) but there were so much work to be done. From the planning phase which happened almost immediately after last year's CD gathering, to liaising with the villa owner to secure the venue, to sourcing for a CD friendly restaurant (even though that never come to fruition), to time factor consideration for Make-Up, asking for MUAs who were willing to help CDs do make-up, to publicity for this event, filtering through the list of CDs who registered their interest, to allocation of rooms to the CDs sisters, taking into consideration each of our nature and character, to solving issues that crop up last minute e.g. the buffet caterer who was sick and so on. All these were happening behind the scene even before the actual event, which lasted 3 days 2 nights. 

And on the actual day, like I mentioned in the previous post, Joyce had to wear the hats of been a MUA, a photographer and a facilitator. From planning to execution, Joyce was handing it alone. It is definitely not easy. I really appreciate the hard work she put in to host this gathering because it meant a lot to the CD sisters who had attended. It was a good catch-up session for the familiar faces, a platform for new faces to mingle and get to know other CDs. The sharing session also helped to give assurance to some of the CDs that what they have gone through or what they are facing now, they are not alone as some had gone down a similar path or are also facing the same situation now.

Anyway, back to the reflection. The villa is as per last year’s location, just that it was the biggest villa along that same stretch, located right at the end of the whole block. That allows for more car parking this time round. The front porch can house up to 3 cars parked side by side and since it is at the end of the block, some of the cars can park outside without affecting the traffic along that stretch. The seaside beach is just at the backyard of the villa, accessible with a backdoor. Really love the villa, really suitable for big group gathering or family. However, having said that, the private and quiet location of the villa also comes with a trade-off. I will describe more in the food segment. 

In terms of programme wise, I guess some of the CD sisters might be slightly disappointed as there is no dress out dining experience but I get the feel that most of us are actually quite okay not to have that segment. For the phototaking part, the villa this time round does not have the nice backdrop as compared to the one last year where there is a nice ornament structure in the backyard. Coupled with the fact that this is the rainy season, the photography session has to be done indoors instead. That really limits the photographer’s creativity in terms of composition for portraiture shots. However, Joyce still did her best to deliver.

For food wise, the catered buffet spread for the event day (Saturday) dinner was good. No more chucky pieces of meat so that we can eat in peace without having to worry about ruining our make-up. Good thing that Joyce ordered mainly finger food and she also requested for the curry chicken to be deboned and together with the potatoes, diced to be more bite size for easy consumption. Even though Joyce also provided MacDonald breakfast on the check-out morning (Sunday), we also need to consider about the prior event day food arrangement, e.g. Friday’s dinner and Saturday’s breakfast and lunch. 

As the early villa check-in arrangement was not part of the event, the arrangement for food will be up to the participants themselves. This was already made known to the participants way ahead of the CD gathering. As mentioned above, the villa was located in a quiet vicinity near the seaside, the supermarket nearby was not 24 hours and there was only 2 eateries around and they do not serve breakfast. Ordering Grabfood or Foodpanda does pose a challenge due to the “ulu” (remote) location, some of the CD sisters tried ordering pizzas on Friday night and they almost did not get their order. This is no one’s fault. Some of us brought snacks like prawn crackers, potatoes chips and cup noodles, but those are not really a decent meal. Maybe we should have gotten some frozen food or those easy heat up meals and store in the refrigerator to cater for this. Likewise, some of the CD sisters like beers, we should have gotten them when we were at Melaka Raya area.    

For the game segment, it was designed as an ice-breaker and also for CD sisters who were present that day to remember each other’s name. It was short but definitely fun as there were laughter all around. As for the sharing segment, it is always my favourite because we get to hear about each of our journey and struggle along this CD journey. However, maybe because the group was too big, there was an occasion when one CD was doing the sharing and some side conversation was happening also. Again, this is fault of no one. Sometime, when we hear something that we have an opinion, some tend to interject or share her view with someone close by. Maybe some ground rules should be set during the sharing session, e.g. when someone is speaking, all ears, all eyes and one heart to show respect to the person speaking. Hold back judgement and opinion until that person has finished speaking or sharing. However, maybe due to the familiarity of some of the participants, some would have heard the similar sharing or encounter before, so it is quite easy for them to forget about the basic courtesy in the art of conversion. That been said, it does not make the sharing session any less interesting or compelling. In fact, hearing some of the stories, it really touches my heart as I empathised with some of their experiences because we shared similar encounter, e.g. been found out by family members about our CD likings at a young age…

Overall, this CD gathering experience was still very pleasant, fun and memorable, it really left a void inside each of us knowing that the event ended in the blink of an eye. I know that Joyce really wanted to speak to each and every one of us personally but due to the sheer number of those who participated in this year gathering, she was unable to do it. But still, all of us had fun and enjoyed the CD gathering on the whole. We met some new faces, foster new bonds, catch-up with familiar faces and enjoying each other’s company within this short span of 3 days 2 nights.      

My heartfelt thanks and appreciation to Joyce for organising this CD gathering, I understand the amount of stress she has to face, the toll on her body on the actual day where she worked tirelessly for more than 12 hours. To me, this CD gathering is lovely and could not have been any better. Really a job well done Joyce, your careful planning and consideration for every details, filtering and ensuring those who joined this CD gathering can gel together. You really put in tremendous amount of hardwork and heartwork. Rest assured that I will always support you and your work. Thank you so much.

Next, I will like to express my thanks to the other two MUAs, Yaya and Jeslyn for the make-up. Even though I never tried make-up by Jeslyn before but seeing her make-up on other CD sisters, I could see the effort she put in. For Yaya, thank you for my make-up and also answering to my endless queries during the make-up session. I really hope to up my make-up skill after getting some tips from you. 

Next, my heartfelt thanks to MSR for sharing the cost for the extra one day of the villa stay. This really make things so much easier for all of us, especially the Singapore group as we do not need to worry about hotel stay and so on. Also, I always enjoy those morning where we just sat down, have our morning beverages and catch up and just talk about anything under the sun.

Last but not least, to all those CD sisters who took the time and effort and make the trip down to Melaka to attend this CD gathering, without your presence, this gathering will not be so engaging and enriching. Going to miss the time we shared over those 3 days 2 nights, it has been really great seeing, meeting and knowing all of you. And with that, this end my blog post update for my 2nd CD gathering organised by Miss Y Studio. Cheers. 

My CD Journey (Part 24-B) - My 2nd Overseas CD Gathering, Miss Y Studio 2024 CrossDressers Year End Gathering [Day 2]

Day 2 of the CD gathering started quite early as a few of us, e.g. MSR, WeiEr, Jace, Abby, Katie, Rachel and myself were already awake by 7am. We discussed if we should head out for breakfast. Some decided not to go out as their make-up timing was scheduled around 8:30am to 9am and it will be quite tight for them. The rest of us decided to head out for breakfast as we feel that we should have ample time. Jace volunteered to drive us out as she is also driving a 7-seater car. Based on Joyce’s recommendation, we drove to Melaka Raya area to get breakfast. However, when on the way to the breakfast, Joyce messaged us saying that one of the Make-Up Artist (MUA) Yaya will be there at the villa by 8:15am. When I checked the schedule, I realised that the 3 of us who was arranged to have the make-up done by Yaya were all on the car out for breakfast. Not wanting to affect the make-up schedule, we decided to buy back breakfast instead of having it outside and we arranged for Micky to have her make-up done first.

Make-up session

Since there were so many participants (13 of us) for this CD gathering, Joyce arranged to have a total of three Make-Up Artists (Yaya, Jeslyn and also Joyce herself) to do the make-up. Each MUA will have around four CD sisters under their care. That can speed things up as doing make-up for each of us can easily take up to 1.5 hour to 2 hours per person. Three make-up stations manned by the various MUA and were setup side-by-side. Once the make-up was done for anyone of the CD, the next CD who was scheduled was already on standby to minimize downtime for each station. The list of CDs and their Make-up artists are as listed.

Yaya 

• Micky Micky 
• Rachel Meng 
• Jace Jace 
• Francesca Koh 

Jeslyn 

• WeiEr 
• Katie Shaya 
• Abby
• Felicity
• Ashe

Joyce

• MSR
• June
• Amanda
• HuiYi

I was arranged to have my make-up done up by Yaya. The make-up that she used for my face as base is quite light, much of the emphasis was placed on the eye part where she used eye shadow, eyeliner, two layers of fake eye lashes and also double eyelid tape. Throughout the make-up session, I was asking Yaya about why she does certain things so that I can try it next time when I CrossDress. After my make-up was done, I proceed on to my bedroom to get change.

Traditional Costume Theme   

The theme for this year CD gathering is traditional costume. This theme came about because we felt that if every year the theme is confined to evening gowns, then there is no creativity or novelty. However, having said that, there is a limit to the amount of traditional costumes that Joyce has in her studio. That been said, we were informed of the theme way ahead so that we can plan what we wanted to wear as traditional costume or we can search inside our stash what we have that can considered as traditional costume.

For me, I decided to wear a black cheongsam as my traditional costume, I also brought along a set of SIA sarong kebaya as a backup in case. MSR initially wore cheongsam but seeing that quite a lot of us are wearing cheongsams, she decided to change hers into a set of Nyoya Kebaya instead. WeiEr worn a set of RuQuan (襦裙), which was a type of costume worn by women during the Tang dynasty and that really stands out. The rest of us decided to be more “conservative”, so most of us worn cheongsam as our traditional costume. There was option of wearing HanFu but too bad I did not managed to get it during the recent 11.11 sales… 

Just realised that I did not managed to do a full body shot of my black cheongsam but seeing my selfie below, you can see what I was wearing. 

Individual Photoshoot Session

By around late noon, at around 3pm or so, the make-up for all the participants were done. Really tough of the MUAs, a great job well accomplished. Once the make-up was done, all the CD sisters were busy taking selfies and wefies with one another, really quite a fun session. 

After a short break, Joyce proceeded on with the individual photoshoot session for each of us in our traditional costume. I am really looking forward to share the individual photoshoot photo once it is done. 

While the photoshoot was still in session, at around 6pm, dinner arrived. Joyce arranged for caterers to have a small buffet spread for us. Learning from the experience last year, she indicated to the caterer not to have big pieces of food e.g. large pieces of curry chicken, but more of bite-sized items or finger food so that it is easier for us to eat without spoiling our make-up… You can see the fabulous spread of food from the photos.

Bonding Game and “Pillow-Talk” Session

After my photoshoot session was done, I decided to do a change of clothes to a one piece dress suit. This one piece dress was quite similar to the one that I wore last year, just that it is white in colour instead and the jacket is ¾ sleeve instead of a full sleeve.  

At around 6:30pm to 7pm, Joyce was done with all the individual photoshoot. She continued on with a quick shower and went on with a quick change into a Nyonya Kebaya to get ready for her last two parts of the activities for today, which is the bonding game and personal sharing session.

The bonding game was designed so that the CrossDressers who took part in the CD gathering can get to know each other by their names. Each of the CDs (with Joyce as the game master included) took part in this game. The game starts with the first person calling out their own name, then come with a certain action or gesture, then point to the next person. That person appointed will have to say the name of the previous person, repeat the action/gesture of that previous person had shown, say out her own name, comes up with her own action/gesture, then point to the next person. The third person appointed in line, will repeat the name and gesture of the 1st person followed by 2nd person, then say out her own name and comes up with her own action/gesture then she will point to the next person and so on and so forth. All the action or gesture must be unique and non-repeated. This will continue until the last person. Luckily, there is no forfeit or punishment for this game as it is more for us to bond. When someone forgets the name or action, the rest will try to help her to remember. It is quite a fun and exciting game as it is like a brain teaser and a test of memory. 

After the game session, it is time for the “pillow-talk” segment where we began to share about our crossdressing journey, how we began crossdressing and so on. This sharing session is really soul-baring as we revealed our inner most secrets and feelings and also the intimate details about how we started crossdressing and so on. As the sharing goes, I realised that most of us started with either a lingerie, or clothing, or even make-up from our mothers, sisters, cousins or even aunties. The sharing session does touched the sensitive part of our inner emotion or hidden memories. I can sense and hear from the voice of some of those who were sharing that they were trying hard to control their emotion so that they would not break down during the sharing. 

I do empathise with the hurt and pain, that feeling of guilt and shame that engulfed them as they shared about their sad experience and sorrowful encounters. That stigma that our society casted upon the CrossDresser community, the degradation with those piercing and judging eyes that despise us crossdressers, branding us like lesser human or someone with a mental disorder, the suffering and agony that we faced. That is why quite a lot of us chose to keep our CrossDressing likings, “hobbies” or secret from others. It is really a deep session as we all get to understand each other, our beginning and our struggles as we uncover and reveal our most private thoughts, feelings and memories.

After the sharing, it is was around 10:30pm or so. It is quite late already and Joyce has to take her leave to go back home. It is really a tiring day for her as she has to wake up early, go and get some light breakfast for us, then come to the villa and do make-up since 8:30am in the morning. She continued on with the photoshoot in the afternoon and then facilitated the game and sharing session at the end of the day. She really stretched herself, not just doubling up, but tripling up as the Make-Up Artist, the Photographer and also Facilitator, all by herself. It is really not easy and tough on her but she still push it through. Words cannot expressed how much all of us were appreciative of what she did and put in to make this gathering so successful.

End-of-Event

After Joyce left, some of the participants contemplated if they should head out for another drinking session. Jace has to leave early on Sunday morning as she got something on back home, so she decided to rest early. Felicity was not feeling too well because she had an eye infection, so she also decided to rest for the night. Only Micky decided to head out for the night. WeiEr decided to just chill and watch TV at Level 1 while the rest of us decided to go up to the entertainment room at Level 3 for a Karaoke and dice-playing session.

We opened up three bottles of red wine that Joyce bought for this gathering and we had a toss while enjoying each other’s’ company before the night ends. Some were enjoying a game of dice, Katie was busy doing her manga drawing while the rest of us just chill and relax, enjoying the music from the Karaoke system and chit chatting. It is really an enjoyable and memorable moment. 

Before the night ended, I decided to do a last change up to the black sleep gown that I brought with me and took some selfies before calling it a night. With a heavy heart, I changed back to my male clothing and started packing as we will be checking out of the villa by 11am tomorrow morning and head back home to Singapore. After packing, I removed my make-up and clean my face before heading to bed. It has been a long day for all of us, I believe that all of us had enjoyed ourselves and this has been a memorable gathering like last year. Good times always passes by so quickly, before we know it, the event has come to an end… Cannot bear the fact that today has ended and tomorrow is where we bid farewell to each other… 😢

My CD Journey (Part 24-A) - My 2nd Overseas CD Gathering, Miss Y Studio 2024 CrossDressers Year End Gathering [Day 1]

You read it right, it is Part 24 of "My CD Journey". I decided to write and complete Part 24 first before releasing Part 23 even though I had started work on that piece. I will publish Part 23 in due time because of the nature of the event.

Anyway, this blog post is to share about my recent experience for my 2nd overseas CD gathering. I was really much looking forward to Miss Y Studio 2024 CrossDressers Year End Gathering ever since I attended the first overseas gathering organised by her last year. You can read all about it here. The gathering this year is a 3 days 2 nights arrangement (spread over Friday to Sunday) instead of 2 days 1 night (Saturday and Sunday) and the venue for this gathering is at the same location as last year but we are getting a much bigger villa this time. Last year, the villa can housed up to 8 pax but this year, the organiser Miss Y decided to get a bigger villa to allow for more new participants, in fact, up to 13 pax. 

The 3 days 2 nights arrangement was made because based on last year experience, the check-in time for the villa was around 3 to 4pm, by then we would not get to enjoy the villa much. The other reason is, the participants for this CD gathering are both from Singapore and all parts of Malaysia, most of which, do not live in Melaka and that will take some travelling time. Some of the CDs might want to come a day earlier (Friday instead of Saturday) and they will have to stay in hotel, that will incur additional cost. So having all these considerations, we decided to have a 3 days 2 nights arrangement instead.

Out of the 13 participants, 7 (including me) attended last year gathering, so there are a total of 6 new CD sisters who joined this year gathering. Last year, only Katie and myself are from Singapore. This year, 6 (including me) were from Singapore while the rest are from parts of Malaysia. Here are the list of participants:

• MSR (from Malaysia, 2nd time attending)
• June (from Malaysia, 2nd time attending)
• WeiEr (from Malaysia, 2nd time attending)
• HuiYi (from Malaysia, 2nd time attending)
• Micky (from Malaysia, 2nd time attending)
• Katie (from Singapore, 2nd time attending)
• Francesca (from Singapore, 2nd time attending)
• Jace (from Malaysia, 1st time attending)
• Abby (from Malaysia, 1st time attending)
• Rachel (from Singapore, 1st time attending)
• Felicity (from Singapore, 1st time attending)
• Amanda (from Singapore, 1st time attending)
• Ashe (from Singapore, 1st time attending)

This is quite a good mix of participants from both Malaysia and Singapore and also familiar and new faces for this event.

Preparation

As usual, the preparatory work for me, started one month before the event date, which is on 22nd November. I sent my car for servicing in order to make sure my car does not breakdown halfway as having a car breakdown in a foreign land is always quite stressful. Next, I went for my pedicure and manicure sessions to get my nails smoothen out to avoid ruining my delicate female wears. And of course, I went for hair removal using Smoovee Skin services, mainly to remove hair from my legs, under arm, boyzillian and my whole beard area. I also started to pack my luggage that I am bringing a week before the trip. 

Since the Singapore group is quite big, I also started a telegram with them to coordinate the trip up North to Melaka. Luckily, besides myself, I still got one more driver Rachel who was driving up also. Hence we split the 6 participants into 2 cars. That gave us comfortable space to sit for the long journey and also enough space to house the luggage that we will be carrying.

Travel Up North

Coordination to travel up was done mainly using Telegram group chat where the respective drivers got the addresses of those CD sisters they are supposed to pick up and arranged for the pickup time. Both Rachel and myself rendezvous early morning around 6:30am at a checkpoint in Singapore around the West side after we picked up all those CD sisters under our care. However, one of the CD sisters Amanda was not able to join us as she got last minute work commitment to attend to. However, she made arrangement to travel by coach once she is done with work.

After we met up at the rendezvous point and doing a quick intro to each other, we proceed to do our border crossing using the Tuas 2nd link. Thankfully, the traffic was quite smooth that morning as there is not much of a jam. The next checkpoint that I planned was at Yong Peng Bus Terminal, we reached there around 8:45am or so. Yong Peng Bus Terminal was chosen because it was around the midpoint between Singapore and Melaka, it is a good place for a bio-break and also grab a quick bite. After stopping over for 40 minutes of rest, we proceeded on to continue our journey up to Melaka.

Our next stop was Melaka Raya. Since we are early and Joyce is only opening up her studio around afternoon. I planned for the Singapore group to go to Melaka Raya to have lunch and also to walk around. As usual, I chose the Noble Resort Hotel Melaka as my stop because that area has lots of eateries around and it is quite near to a few shopping malls around e.g. Dataran Pahlawan Melaka MegaMall and Mahkato Parade Shopping Mall. We reached Melaka Raya around 11am but it was still too early for lunch, so the five of us went over Mahkato Parade Shopping Mall to shop around.

I checked the Facebook Messenger group to see the updates from the other CDs who are attending the gathering, to see their progress and whereabout (this group was set up by Miss Y Studio). I saw that Micky is in Melaka already and was looking for lunch. So I asked her to meet us around Noble Resort Hotel Melaka so that we can have Bak Ku Teh together. When we met Micky at the Bak Ku Teh store, I was quite surprised that she had already dressed up in CD mode and rode a bike to meet us. I was quite impressed.

After lunch, I need to go to Jonker Street to run some errands. However, I do not feel that it is fair that the rest of the Singapore CD sisters to wait for me, so I told them to proceed on to Miss Y Studio using Rachel’s car first while I rush down to Jonker Street to settle what I need to do. Once done, I rushed down to Miss Y studio around 3pm and quite a few of the CD sisters had arrived, e.g. Jace, Abby, June, HuiYi and MSR. The whole studio was bustling with activities as one of the sisters tried out a wedding gown while others see what to bring to the villa. 

Around 3:30pm or so, we started to help Joyce to move some of the stuffs into those cars that are going over to the villa and off we go. 

The Villa

At around 4pm, we reached the villa, WeiEr was already there waiting for us. The villa we are staying in is the Sunset Villa Malacca located around Alai Crystal Bay. The villa is Balinese style with three floors and five bedrooms, which is suited 13 pax 

• Level 1 has 1 room with 1 king sized bedrooms. (with attached bathroom) and a super single room (with attached bathroom)
• Level 2 has 2 rooms with 2 kings size bed in a bedroom. (with attached bathroom) and 1 room with 1 king size bedroom (with attached bathroom)
• Level 3 is Entertainment Karaoke room with 1 bathroom and a big balcony with sea view. 

You can see the pictures attached to get a feel of how the villa is like.

After we check-in to the villa, we went to our respective rooms which was allocated to us by Miss Y and settle our luggage. There is no real programme planned for Day 1 because it was more to allow the CD sisters to gather so that we do not need to rush down and also to cater for last minute situation. So, we spend the time to get to know the newcomers and also to catch-up especially for those “old-timers”. In order not to make Day 1 so empty, Joyce actually proposed to teach us make-up. MSR, HuiYi and myself took part for the make-up session while a few of them just watched on, the rest decided to just chill and rest in their rooms as most of us have to wake up very early this morning in order to make the trip down for this gathering. After the make-up session, I actually did quite a simple dress up in my office wear attire, just a simple long sleeved shirt and pencil skirt outfit.

Micky reached the villa around evening time, Joyce also left around that time. All the participants for the gathering has arrived at the villa except for Amanda. Since there was no programme planned for that night, 7 of the CD sisters decided to head out to the local pub and have a drink. They took a 7 seater car out while the rest (including me) decided to just chill and stay to enjoy the comfort of the villa. As it has been a long day of travelling for quite a few of the participants, most of them decided to sleep early while WeiEr and myself were in the living room watching television and talking about Chinese history, which is our favourite topic. We both chatted until around 12am or so and we decided to call it a night. I went to dress down and clear my make-up. It really took me a while to clean up everything. 

By the time I was done, it was close to 1am. At the same time, those who went to the pub also reached back to the villa. Not long after, Amanda, who took the coach from Singapore, has also arrived at the villa around that timing. Finally, all the participants for the gathering has arrived. After helping Amanda to settle in, some of us stay on to chit chat until 2am before heading to bed. All of us are tired but we are all excited for what lies around later today (technically, it is Day 2 already, haha…).