Was thinking of continuing my story of my CD beginning as a 2-part series as it was quite long and memorable. In fact, when I was writing it, I never know that I can write some much. I guess I wanted to preserve as much details and as vividly as possible. However, I think I will tie that with my teenage years while I begin to talk about why I started crossdressing.
The reason why I crossdress actually evolved over the years as I grow and gone through different life experiences. I will share it in details through the different chapters as I continue my blogging. Now, I will roughly emphasize some of the main points here.
As you have read, my beginning started with more as a curiosity and envying those captivating garments that a lady can wear. I guess it is part of the puberty process that I am more attracted to things related to the opposite gender. In the initial phase, my crossdressing is more of my desire to wear pantyhose and enjoying that silky feeling on my legs and get myself arousal in the process. I was admiring how ladies can dress their legs so beautifully and enjoy that smooth feeling daily. I love this beautiful feeling on my skin, it makes me happy and how I wish I can wear pantyhose every moment. I see this starting phase as more of pantyhose or silk and satin fetishism. I get turn on by the feel of the silky and sheer material and fabric on my skin. It is not real crossdressing but having that desire to put on pantyhose and enjoy that nice feeling. But I guess it is a start...
As I grew, my perception, exposure and understanding grew. I observed that ladies can wear so many various types of apparels and accessories for different occasions. There is work wear, night function wear, sleepwear, different types of clothing for different moment, different types of shoes for different events. But for a guy, it is just the normal shirt and pants, t-shirt and bermuda, the shoes are just track shoes, sports shoes, leather shoes. Just the normal clothing, not a lot of varieties for men. This is when I started to get more interested in other types of clothing that a woman can wear. Seeing that there are more types of outfits a lady can wear, I also want to try on those clothing and look pretty and sexy like them. My urge to crossdress started to grow slowly but I am still fringing with mainly hosiery at this stage.
Maybe at this stage, some may question my sexual orientation. I am very much a guy at heart, I just admire what a lady can dress as she goes about her everyday business, not just pretty dresses or sexy skirts but also what she wears underneath. So many layers of intimate and sensual fabrics to comfort her and make her feel good. I also want to have that feel good feeling too.
Moving along, as time grew, going through the dating landscape has been a long and arduous journey. More details to be shared in the subsequent chapters. You see, in my life, I was taught how to be a gentleman, how to think like one, behave like one. Ideally, a perfect match suitable for a gentleman must be a lady... But after having to date some girls, I just could not find a flawless fit for my ideal image of a perfect lady. I am looking for a lady who is feminine, who knows how to dress beautifully for me to admire, who knows how to dress for the different occasions and also has the composure and elegance of a lady. This is so hard to find here. So I told myself to forgo the idea of a perfect lady and lower my standard. How does this got to do with why I crossdress? Patience please as I setup the prelude...
The first time I really tried dressing up completely was after my first complete breakup. It was a very close and long relationship. I crossdressed not because I am sad. I CD because I want to feel how it is to dress up like a woman for once. To dress up sexy and beautiful. You see, I actually bought some costumes for my now first ex-gf. I was planning to throw them away to get rid of the heartache but a thought crept to my mind. Why not try them on myself since I always wanted her to dress up, why not dress myself up...
Subsequently, good time do not last. I did 2 rounds of purge of all the CD items while I was still in the dating landscape. (OUCH!!!) I thought it is because of my desire to CD that is causing me to be single. So I decided to say farewell to the world of CD and never to return. Long story short, indeed, I found a match later part of my life and is now happily married. I never thought that I will revisit the world of CD again. Unfortunately, the urge for me to CD cannot be suppressed...
I do not think myself as someone who is female trapped in a male body, neither am I gay. I do not think I got a gender confusion, I am not going for hormones or sex change operation. I guess it is the curiosity, the desire for that feminine feel and urge that drive me to pick up crossdressing again. Coupled with the fact that life from all aspects seem to get tougher as we go along. I turn to Crossdressing as a form of comfort and escape. Been a man, having to shoulder so many responsibilities at home and work day-in day-out, I think I am entitled to have a little release and to feel gentle and tender once a while...
It was also during this comeback to CD that I was also exposed to the arena of make-up to complete my Crossdressing journey. I never realised that make-up is such a beautiful and feminine experience. It is like allowing an artist to work on a plain face and turning it into an attractive piece of art. At this stage, I started to appreciate the beauty of Crossdressing and take it as a form of relaxation and like a hobby. I see this stage as the connection of the gentleman and lady inside me, accepting the transformation from one to the other and back again, much like Dr Jekyll and Miss Hyde. The transformation is now complete, the gentleman and lady is now one and this is why I Crossdress. 😀
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