Looking Back at 2023 (A Reflection of my CD Journey in 2023)

I can't believe that I managed to squeeze out 6 blog postings in less than half a month. It has been a mad rush but I still managed to complete blogging about my first overseas CD gathering postings before 31st Dec 2023. I guess I will take some time to look back at this year from Francesca perspective and also Francesca's wish for the coming new year. 

Looking back at 2023, it was a year of Lows and Highs. I started this year on a bad note as my original lair's landlord was "accusing" me of using too much electricity and suspected me doing bitcoin mining, hence incurring high utilities bill on his end. This was much to my surprise as I hardly go back to my lair due to the busyness with my work. I did suspect that this was just a plot by the new landlord as an excuse to increase my rental price since an increase in GST and also returning to normalcy after 3 years of COVID pandemic. With the increase of 1% GST, I understand that my landlord need to mitigate his cost but he was proposing increasing my rental from $700 + 8% GST to $1000 + 8% GST. That is really robbery or some way of getting me to leave his place. Luckily for me, one door closes, another opens. I moved to a new lair within the same area and the facilities was much newer as it was a newly renovated office unit. However, it was technically a downgrade as I was originally having 180 sq ft but now my current unit was 150 sq ft. Well, beggars cannot be choosers unfortunately. 

2023 was also a year of first. Francesca had her real first dress out session some time around end of March when my wife went for an overseas work assignment. It was a golden opportunity not to be missed and I was glad that I took that bold step forward to dress out in public as Francesca. Even though it was within a small vicinity called Galaxy 28 Bistro but that to me was a good start. That night, Francesca got to know quite a few CD sisters, namely Stephanie, Lulu, Candy, Ashley, Jacelyn, Yuki and Chanel. Ever since after that first dress out session, Francesca was tempted to dress out in public on her own, but because of the new lair's neighbouring unit who was always staying late in office, this made it really hard for her to go out.

In term of my alternate life, family planning was in the midst of progress but yielding no results so far. It was really frustrating and depressing when bedroom affair with my significant other was becoming more and more mundane and mechanical. There is a lack of passion and at times, I really dragged whenever I knew that she was in her period, that would mean that her fertile period was coming up... As baby planning was not going as well, both my wife and I have to seek medical help; we went to women's clinics and hospitals for checks, doing tests here and there, we tried Chinese medicine, alternative medicine and so on, but to no avail. As much as it was taxing and upsetting for my wife, I also felt the heartache and dejection as my male alter self. Plans for more complex procedures were considered and it is a hefty decision and may not yield any results in the end. This further worsen my mental and emotional stress that I was facing. In this current state of things, there is hardly any physical, mental and emotional capacity for Francesca to take form. For months, after my first dress out session, I was in my lows again.

Just when I thought things could not get any worse, my hard disk that I used to store my photos and videos of Francesca clashed. There were pre-emptive signs and I was planning to transfer all the media onto my NAS. However, my procrastination self got the better of me and I paid a high price for my laziness and over complacency. At this stage, I was quite ready to throw in the towel and quit crossdressing again. But I decided to give myself and Francesca a break and it was going to be a long break.

Around the same period of time, since I have not been dressing up, I started to see that my new lair as a white elephant, a constant money sinking liability. In the past, I would visit the lair at least once a week, but with what I was going through; coupled with work stress taking a further toll on my state of body, mind and emotion. I was like swinging by my lair only once a month. This was when I decided to bend my own rules about not co-sharing or subletting my lair out to other CD sisters. It was a tough decision but it had to be made. I was really thankful that I found 2 other CD sisters to co-share the lair with me now. Yes, I did not blog much about this even though it was considered as an important decision along my CD journey... but I guess sharing it here for my 2023 reflection would be as good. I got to know B and J from a SG CD telegram group and they were looking for a rental space unit. I decided to approach B and she shared that she had a current offer but she was still considering, she would be sharing the unit with J. This was when I decided to make the offer to them and let them visit my lair, but the only thing is... We all will be in guy mode when we meet up. We all agreed and arranged a day for my lair visit. I met them at the building lobby area before leading them up to my lair. I started to introduce the layout of my lair and also how to operate some of the stuff. It was not much of a tour but I let them consider if they wanted to co-share with me. Since I was already using half of my lair for my male alter-self storage and the other half for Francesca stuff, I did not feel it is fair to split the cost evenly among the three of us. So instead, I bear half of the whole rental cost and the other half was split between the 2 of them. Quite decisively, B and J decided on the spot and agreed with this arrangement and I handed the newly minted room keys to them. That really helped to reduce my overhead and also better utilisation for my lair, killing two birds with one stone. And with that, my lair welcomed its new tenants. 

The main highlight for 2023 and also my last part of my look back was my first overseas CD gathering organised by Joyce aka Miss Y Studio. Like I mentioned, I was at rock bottom when this invitation for a CD gathering reignite the flame of hope in Francesca. Preparation started almost like close to 2 months before the actual event, where I have to juggle my male alter self schedule and commitment and also how I can prep Francesca to be all ready for this event. I was really happy and glad to have attend this gathering where I made new CD friends and forge new bonds, it was a great pleasure knowing them, namely MM, J, HY, WE, L, MK and KT. Hanging out with other CrossDressers, having photo shoot and change parade, taking selfie/wefies like a girl. Francesca totally enjoyed herself as she was able to be a lady for a day, it was a beautiful experience. Of course, I must thank Joyce for including me in the invite for this event. It has been close to a year since I last visited her at her studio but she still have not forgotten about me. She is such an awesome organiser, a skilled Make-Up Artist and Photographer, most of all, she is a real and true friend. I was also thankful to have met KT who had also signed up for this gathering event. She is such an understanding and accommodating CD friend and I was glad to have met her in person and can became close friend. And with that note, I will bid 2023 goodbye.

Now, my wish for 2024 as Francesca... Of course, I wish I could become slimmer so that I can have more options for dresses and gowns. Yes, some of the sellers on TaoBao are not CD size friendly, or at least, they are not carrying 4XL, 5XL sizes for their dresses... My health has not been in top condition also, that is something I should really work on instead of just paying lips service where I talked and wished but no action taken... I will try to stick to my plan for intermittent fasting programme and see if I can get some Duromine to help if needed. I must really learn to control my emotion instead of using eating comfort food to destress. Hopefully, that can help to cut my body weight and size down to 75 ~ 80kg and in turn helped to reduce my double chin.

Of course, my next wish is to go for facial treatment to remove all the bumps, humps and craters on my face, especially those black head holes. Also, I was trying to find treatment for my legs scars. I really wish to remove those 5 cents and 10 cents scars on my legs so that I can wear sheer pantyhose and stockings. I have always wished to wear sheer pantyhose or stockings but due to the scars on my legs, I tend to wear higher denier pantyhose to cover them. Not that I do not like higher denier pantyhose or stockings but having a nicer legs allows me to have more options in terms of my hosiery selection.

For this coming new year, Francesca also wished to have more opportunities to dress out, meet more CD sisters and attend more CD gatherings. If that is not possible, she hope that she will be able to dress up more often in the lair at least, to rebuild her photos and videos collection that was lost in the HDD clash... Next is upgrading of make-up skills, I have always wanted to engage a MUA to properly learn how to do make-up. It was after my visit to Joyce that I know that I have still quite a long way to learn. I know that another CD sister J would be interested too. Probably a good time for me to check back at some of the FB messages and get the contact for that CD friendly MUA to conduct class for us. Besides all these, I wished to be able to update my blog more regularly, keeping it alive and vibrant so that my readers got more topics to read. I did have some inspiration after my Melaka trip. What I need is the discipline to keep writing. Haha...  

Last but not least, with 2 CD sisters sharing my lair now. I was considering of expanding to a bigger space. It is not greedy for more space but this is to allow for other sisters to use my lair as their secret base. KT did expressed her interest in renting my lair for her production. That is something I was considering also. Of course all the factors have to consider as the decision to move my lair is no longer one person's decision but a collective agreement among those sharing the room. I definitely love the current area where my lair is situated. Maybe I can give my current agent a message to check if they got any available rental space, which is bigger than my current office room size but still within a reasonable price range.

I cannot believe that I can finish this post before today ends, as we slowly march forward into 2024. Just like to wish all a Happy New Year 2024 ahead and may all your wishes come true. Not forgetting, I wish that wars on all fronts will come to an end and peace on Earth will return again. Cheers.