Packing List for CD Staycations or CD Trips

Sorry for not been able to update my blog as regularly as I should. July and August have been quite a busy period. There were a few topics that I wanted to write on but I was just stalling it as I have to handle quite a few bit of issues on my family and personal front. I have to say, 2024 has not been as smooth sailing as I wanted it to be but I will survive somehow. Just that I will have less time and energy to live out as Francesca…

Anyway, the topic that I wanted to share is items that I usually pack whenever I go for a hotel staycation or a CD gathering. I hope that by creating this checklist can help CD sisters who are new, to plan and get the necessary items ready to have a good dress up and dress out session or gathering.

Normally, I will have two or more separate pieces of luggage depending on situation. For light travel, I will try to confine to a maximum of two pieces of luggage. I will have one bag for my male persona, one luggage for my CD stash. Like if I am out for a short staycation but never took leave and I wanted to show that I am “Working-From-Home”. I will bring my laptop along under my male persona baggage. However, normally I will not wanted to bring my laptop along as it is additional weight and burden. If I am just staying in a hotel to dress out for the night and leave next morning, I will pack the minimal and use a cabin size luggage instead of a big roller case luggage with my make-up kit bag stuffed inside the luggage. 

Anyway, here is the list of items that I will usually pack in the respective bags or luggage.

Male Persona Bag (Duffel Bag)

Clothing (Depends on the number of days)

Slippers or sandals

Toiletries

Medical Kit/Bag

Electrical/Electronics bag that includes travel adapter and charging cables

Laptop (if needed)

CrossDresser Luggage (Minimal – Cabin size luggage)

Make-up Kit Case (See details in the section below)

2 x wigs (both are long hair wig for me because I am more suited for long wig, colour should not be too fanciful or loud, something to blend in easily)

2 x wig cap (1 for spare)

Nipple tape x 4, NuBra (A cup) x 1 and Padded NuBra (C cup) x 1

2 x bra and panty set (colour should go with the outdoor clothing, try not to wear black bra under white blouse)

2 x sanitary pad (to help to flatten and tuck male part in panty, 1 for spare) 

1 x shapewear (bodysuit)

Hip pads (optional if you used shapewear panty)

3 x hosiery (nude, suntan and black)

2 x pairs of gloves (black and white, length and type depends on the occasion)

2 x outdoor clothing (1 x one piece dress, 1 x blouse and skirt set, something to blend to the occasion)

2 x belts (something to suit the outdoor clothing)

Jewellery e.g. clip-on earrings, necklace, etc

2 x pairs of heels (one black and one white/beige, 3 – 5cm high)

1 x sizable handbag (see details on what I will put in my handbag)

Handbag

4 x Face mask (Ever since COVID, face masks is very useful to avoid detection)

1 x drinking straw (Ever since I attended the “A Day as a Girl Experience” by Miss Y Studio, I understand the importance of drinking etiquette, e.g. not leaving my lipstick marking on the glass

1 x selfie stick (good for selfie or wefie shots)

1 x small mirror (to touch up if needed)

1 x grooming comb

1 x stylus pen for touch screen phone (very useful if you like to wear gloves like me)

CrossDresser Luggage (Big roller size luggage – Quite similar to what I will pack for my Cabin size luggage but I can add more items depending on occasion)

Make-up Kit Case (See details in the section below)

2 x wigs (both are long hair wig for me because I am more suited for long wig, colour should not be too fanciful or loud, something to blend in easily)

2 x wig cap (1 for spare)

Nipple tape x 4, NuBra (A cup) x 1 and Padded NuBra (C cup) x 1

3 x bra and panty set (Beige, White, Black)

4 x sanitary pad (to help to flatten and tuck male part in panty, the rest for spare) 

2 x shapewear (bodysuit and open bottom girdle) 

1 x corset

Hip pads

4 x hosiery minimum (nude, suntan, white and black pantyhose )

2 x garter belt and stocking set

1 x sleep gown

2 x outdoor clothing (1 x one piece dress, 1 x blouse and skirt set, something to blend to the occasion)

Any clothing that you like to wear or display (depends on occasion, cosplay uniform, leotard, cheongsam, Nyonya kebaya, etc)

Any accessories to go with your other clothing

4 x pairs of gloves minimum (black and white, both long and short, type depends on the occasion)

2 x pillbox hat (black and white)

2 x belts (something to suit the outdoor clothing)

Jewellery e.g. clip-on earrings, necklace, etc

2 x pairs of heels (one black and one white/beige, 3 – 5cm high)

Additional heels or knee high boots if needed or shoes that go with other outfits.

1 x sizable handbag (with the same items as mentioned previously)

Make-up Kit Case (Travel Light Mode)

Contact Lens case + Contact Lens

Blade shaver (yes, there is a separate one for my make-up kit)

Primer

Foundation (that should suit your skin tone)

2 x eye shadow sets

Eyeliner

2 x fake eyelashes

Brow Pen

Mascara

Eyelash Curler

Blusher 

1 set of basic make-up brushes

Beauty blender ball (make-up sponge)

2 x lipsticks

Lip gloss

Wet wipes (for make-up removal)

Make-up removal solution

Cotton pads

Cotton buds

Make-up Kit Case (Full Make-Up Kit Mode. Quite similar to what I will pack for my Travel Light Mode but I can add more items depending on occasion)

2 x Contact Lens case + Contact Lens

Blade shaver (yes, there is a separate one for my make-up kit)

Primer

Foundation (that should suit your skin tone)

4 x eye shadow sets

Eyeliner

4 x fake eyelashes

Brow Pen

Mascara

Eyelash Curler

2 x Blusher 

1 set of basic make-up brushes

Beauty blender ball (make-up sponge)

3 x lipsticks

Lip gloss

Wet wipes (for make-up removal)

Make-up removal solution

Cotton pads

The list is not exhaustive but can serve as a starter CDs who do not know what to bring. Cheers.

Cotton buds

“If You Love Me, Accept Me and My CrossDressing Self…”

I have been wanting to write this topic for the longest time. In fact, this was one of the things that was shared during the last CD gathering organised by Miss Y Studio in Melaka around December last year but I have been putting off in completing this post as it is a rather controversial or sensitive topic and I was thinking hard how to approach it. It was shared by one of the participants own personal experience during our “pillow-talk” session. Long story short, the CD sister said that “her” spouse (wife) claimed that she can accept crossdressers but when “she” (that CD sister) came clean about “her” CD tendency. The spouse just cannot take it and decided to file for a divorce. As much as this is rather a sad case, the silver lining is that that CD sister found a much more carefree life to live out her CD dream and live like a woman. This really got my admiration…

Anyway, back to the main topic. We all might have friends, be it a guy or lady, or someone close, like your spouse, family members, who claimed that they are non-judgemental and are accepting towards crossdressers, transvestites or even gays/lesbians or LGBTQ+ at large, even though they are not themselves. However when someone close to them (like us) come clean that we are one in that list, the treatment seems to be somewhat different… Not everyone is as lucky as Isabelle, whose wife accepted her CrossDressing nature. In fact, she is on HRT drugs regime now with her wife approval. I really admired her and also applauded the wife for supporting this decision as it is definitely not easy for anyone.

Why is it that most(???) of our spouses (women, sorry for the generalisation), even though claimed that they are not judgemental and are accepting towards CrossDressers but when we come clean, the outcome never ends good for anyone. Based on my interaction with other CDs, I know of at least three cases whereby the spouses found out about their husbands’ CD habits, either by coming clean or by accidental discovery. The outcome was a disaster. That is why I am keeping Francesca under wrapped and never coming out clean. Remember that one article I wrote about, “would you rather admit that you are a crossdresser or having an affair if been caught?” I would rather admit to having an affair than to say that I am a crossdresser…

The question in my mind or in my case is… why is it that (most???) women claimed to be able to accept CrossDressers but when we (someone close, or as a husband) said that we are one, their attitude just did a 180 degrees change? This thought has been on my mind for quite some time as I do have the impulses to come clean about the presence of Francesca to my wife especially when I had a good CD session at Miss Y Studio… I guess from the viewpoint of a woman, anything outside their sphere of life, they can pretty much accept as it does not impact their lives. Based on the sphere of life, with family been the closest, friends are next level and so on and so forth. When we, as someone closest in their sphere of life, said that we are crossdressers, this will definitely trigger the women’s alarm for a fight or flight response. Some questions in their head could be, “Why does my hubby crossdress?”, “Is this why my hubby no longer touch me like he used to do?” or “Am I no longer attractive to him?” and so on. The questions of why a man likes the act of crossdressing will start crossing her mind. Some thoughts could be, is the passion in the marriage dying, is the love that brought this relationship together initially coming to an end. This thought of denial and self-blame in the women might lead to her anger and disappointment. 

From the perception that women looked for comfort and also masculinity in men to provide for her and her offsprings, and as someone who can care for and protect the family. That sudden shift in the position of been a man of the house to been another pretty face or someone with femininity could be quite confusing for the women’s mind to process as they might need to think back, “Was this still the same man that I chose to marry?”. Some women linked the act of crossdressing to sexual activity with another men or love for other men, which can lead to her thinking if her husband has turn gay, or he is having an affair outside with other men. Thus that initial self-blame shifted to blaming others, namely their husbands for causing this hurt and betrayal, the betrayal to that wedding vow… resentment and disenchantment for the husband deepened.

I mean, all these are purely my perception or speculation as I do not have any hard evidence or sample to support my theory. I just try to put myself in the position of my wife and think of the possible reactions and thoughts that cross my mind. However, each of us are different and the reason why they cannot accept their husband’s CrossDressing nature will also differ.

I do hear of cases where the spouses are indifferent to their husband’s CrossDressing tendencies. They are neither accepting nor rejecting. However, the bottom line is, never crossdress in front of them or any other family members. For some women, they forbid any crossdressing activities in the house and most of all, no hanky-panky with other men, I guess that is the ultimatum. The level of acceptance can differs. Some women just chose to turn a blind eye for the sake of marriage or the family and not react too greatly to it. Some cannot even tolerate the thought that their husbands love to dress up and crossdress and chose the path of separation. In fact, for the three CrossDressers sisters cases I shared above, they were quite hurt throughout this process as they thought that love and understanding between married couples could overcome everything, like the saying goes, “If you love me, you must be able to accept everything about me…” But this was not the case, in which, they also feel betrayed by their spouses…

As much as all these were written from the viewpoint of a husband relating to what could be the reasons why their spouse are unaccepting them for been a crossdresser. The perspective can likewise be applied to a son relating to his parents and so on. So, what are your thoughts? Do you have views or perspective to share? How do you think we can let those closest to us accept us and our queer nature? Have some thoughts about that. Cheers.

(PS : I do apologise to all the women for the generalisation here as not all are unaccepting towards crossdressers, I was just making a presumption.)

Feel-Good Hormones Hangover... (How to cope with it...)

Not sure if it is just me but I was suffering from a feel-good hormones hangover after my solo Melaka drive trip… I believe most CDs might have experienced this before. After a good dress up session, you feel so high and happy. Everything is so blissed, so peaceful and happy. However, after that feel-good feeling died down. You realized that you were on the other extreme end of emotional spectrum. You feel easily irritable and stressed, it was like you were on an emotional roller coaster where you were on the highs a moment ago and then you are in the lows soon after.

I am not a psychology expert, but I was just observing this based on my own experience over the last few days ever since I came back from my solo dress up adventure in Melaka. When things started to fall into place and back to my normal guy alter-self, it just felt like I clash and fall from cloud nine. When some things never go my way, I felt so easily annoyed and overwhelmed. I was quite shocked by my outburst or uncontrollable temper, which is quite uncommon, and I started to reflect why…

I felt that the feel-good hormones, namely dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin, were at play. When CDing, we release a lot of these feel-good hormones and overloading our sensory and emotion. That is why even after removal of make-up and the initial phase of going back to become our male alter-self, that good vibes feelings were able to last maybe a couple of days. 

Once the brain was in overdrive with these feel-good hormones, we started to crave for more of these hormones or chemical. However, as things starting to set back to the mandate normal male alter-self persona and we starved the brain from more of these feel-good hormones, we started to experience emotion free-fall or clashing. Much like a hangover where we suffered mood swing or lousy feeling after a night of boozing and drinking. It is like drinking bubble-tea with 100% sweetness and when we started to change to 0% or 25% sweetness, we lost that sweet taste in the taste buds… When the brain does not get its dose of feel-good hormones or same level as before, anxiety or negative feelings started to build up.

To exacerbate the matter, as much as I wanted to share my happy CD experience in Melaka with my friends and those closest to me, I was unable to do that as none of my normal friends know about my CD secret neither does my wife. At times, I wanted to share some of the beautiful photos of Francesca with my wife, but I was unable to do it. Sharing a good feeling with others and eliciting a positive response or acknowledgement from them helped in the generation of feel-good hormones. However, since I was unable to do it, I must hamper down my urge to share that good feelings and experience, that further deprive the production of feel-good hormones, sending my mood in a downward spiral with more negative feelings and energy building up…  

Having emotion hangovers can be quite disruptive and disturbing. I see how Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde can manifest in one body. I can be quite fine one moment but when things happened or I feel overwhelmed, instead of the normal thinking of “I-can-handle-it”, I just cannot contain that dissatisfaction or frustration. This came as a shock to me and at times, I let the negative vibes and feeling get the better of me and leading to poor judgement or decision at times. Not sure if other CDs experienced the same emotion swing as me or maybe it is just a “ME” thing…

Anyway, if you are experiencing similar mood swings like me, you are not alone. I might not have all the answers, but I am working hard on it to cope with this emotional hangover… Here are some advice on how to handle those episodes of emotional hangovers:

• Practice mindfulness and acceptance. Do not dismiss those negative feelings but acknowledge them. See and understand where the source is. Dismissing these negative feelings will only make things worse as you are just denying yourself from having feelings, be it good or bad. It is normal to feel sad when good times ended, it is human nature.
• Practice gratitude. Be thankful for the good times and treasure them. Keeping snippets of those good moment in the heart and mind and be glad with what had happened. Keeping that little flame of happiness can help to maintain the sanity in the heart and mind. I do keep some photos of Francesca in the Hidden folder in my phone where I can look once a while to recall the happy moments. 
• Practice isolation and peace. Bringing the mind and emotion back to a neutral state. It is much like resetting your mind and emotion, or like detoxing your mind and emotion from feel-good hormones overload. At times, a quiet moment is all you need to find emotional stability before you are ready to face the world. Calm the monkey mind and bring it back to focus. Can try listening to some lofi music on YouTube to help you calm down and find peace in solace.
• Practice distraction. Exercise or do other things to make you feel good. Go on an online shopping spree, go run or have a walk in the park. Watch a good show or read a good book. However, I will advise against using work as a distraction because work can be a source of negative feeling generation or it sap up the good vibes easily. 
• Practice letting-go. This is a high level attainment much like Buddhism where you understand that all things in life is impermanence. Do not be too caught up with a certain feeling and understand that all things will past evenly, be it good times or bad times. The more you hold on to a certain good feeling, the more attached you are and you will feel more pain when that good feeling diminishes. Learning to let go is not easy but it does help in managing your mood and emotion.

Hope this guide will help you in understanding your own emotion and mood, and that these methods in coping with those emotion hangovers can help to make you feel more calm and relaxed. Cheers. 

My CD Journey (Part 22-B) - Solo Drive Trip Up to Melaka [3rd Visit to Miss Y Studio - Day 2 and 3]

Saturday (Day 2)

Woke up early and drove down to the studio at around 10am to meet Joyce for breakfast. We went to a coffeeshop nearby the studio (driving distance) before we started today’s photoshoot session. For me, I have chosen the white jacket and emerald colour one piece dress as the outfit that I wanted to shoot because I have been wanting to see how I look. Back during the CD gathering last year, I wore that same outfit and other CDs commented that I looked like a female CEO. That piqued my interest to see how it will look in an actual studio shoot. That is why I chosen this outfit. As for the other outfit, I seriously got nothing in mind initially and was open to Joyce for suggestions. 

So after I dressed up in my first outfit, Joyce began to do makeup for me. As she did that, I was recalling the steps and checking with her about the makeup lesson we had yesterday. This is one good way to remember what I have learned as she was doing my makeup and I tried to make sense of what she was doing. After the makeup was done, we began the photoshoot. Joyce did said that too bad she never bring the leather whip, if not it will be quite an interesting set. However, I was quite happy that this outfit was used for this shoot and I was quite excited and looking forward to the outcome of the photos. 

As for the 2nd outfit, Joyce asked if I brought the sleep gown that I wore during the CD gathering. Luckily, I did brought that whole set just in case. So I changed up to my white lingerie set (Rago shapewear, white bra and panty, Secret-in-Lace white stockings) and white sheer sleep gown. I feel so sexy and sensual in that outfit. The feeling was so feminine and I really enjoyed it. The photoshoot went well, I was asked to give a seductive look and I was quite surprised that Joyce said that I managed to nail that look. Haha. I wonder how will it look like. Maybe this outfit brought out the desire in my heart, that is why I managed to get that looks, I really wonder… Can’t wait to see the outcome of those photos. Hehe…

After the photoshoot, instead of removing my makeup, I decided to keep it on as I wanted to wear it back to the hotel. I changed from my white lingerie set back to my emerald colour one piece dress outfit and I started to pack my CD stuff and guy stuff (that I wore to the studio) into my luggage. I also changed to my own wig as I was using Joyce’s wig for the photoshoot. My original wig was quite messed up due to poor maintenance. Thankfully Joyce helped to resort the wig by combing and cutting off those dead knots and crossed portion of the wig. She also helped me to style the wig so that it goes well with my dress. Joyce said that the wig that I purchased has volume and it goes well if I am wearing those gowns or dresses that has a flare bottom. So in order to match my one piece straight dress, she helped to tie both sides of my wig to the back and used a ribbon clip to clip it. It changed the look totally and I simply loved that look. 

After that, Joyce and I started to pack up and clean up the studio before I left the place. As I have never tried driving in heels before, I decided not to risk it. So I wore a pair of white socks over my pantyhosed feet and put on my track shoes. Joyce commented that I looked really funny and we both just laughed over it. I guessed I must have looked really comical as I was having quite a nice and semi formal emerald colour top dress but I was wearing unmatching white socks and track shoes instead of heels… 

I brought the luggage and makeup kit back to my car and sorted out all the things needed and so I began my drive back to the hotel truly as Francesca. I was all excited as it was my first time driving in CD form as Francesca. In my mind, I was worried about other drivers looking at me but I just dismissed those thoughts and focus on the road. There is a first time for everything but I was all happy, excited yet also a bit scare. I just followed the GPS and acted normal, I tried not to look around too much and try to blend in. 

The thing about CrossDressing in South East Asia region is the hot and humid weather. My car was parked in the open air carpark opposite Joyce’s studio and the interior of the car was like a sauna when I entered. I tuned up the aircon to full blast so that my perspiration does not damage my makeup and also I need to cool my head under the wig. Thankfully I was able to manage my anxiety, if not, my sweat will be flowing down my face and body like I had just taken a shower… 

The drive went well and I reached the hotel safely. Something I loved about the Noble Resort Hotel Melaka (also The Straits Hotel and Suite) was that it has 2 levels of carpark. The entrance to the lift lobby for Level 1 carpark was right in front where the security table was located. I did not feel confident or comfortable parading myself in front of the security especially when I need to move my luggage back up to my hotel room. For the entrance to the lift lobby for Level 2, despite there is a door for staff located next to the lift lobby entrance, there is hardly any human traffic there. So I chose to park my car in Level 2 and took the lift up to my hotel room. When the lift door open, instead of an empty lift, there were already a few people inside. I just acted normal and use my room card to access to my floor. Throughout the process, I was just looking down and tried not to make any eye contact. In my heart, I was hoping no one is judging me. Once I reached my floor, I went back to my room and made a sigh of relief that I made it back without any issue.

Since the weather was still quite hot, I decided to just take some time to rest inside my hotel room to cool myself down before I plan for anything. I doubt I will be heading to Jonker Street or what but I was planning more like walking around the hotel neighbourhood or visit the Watson, which is just nearby the hotel. While resting in my hotel room, I did a couple of selfie and costume change.

As the night drew closer, I decided to have instant noodle (which I bought the night before) for dinner before heading out. Once I checked that I got all my things ready in my handbag, I walked out of my hotel room with my selfie stick and camera phone in my hand, recording my process. When I walked past the Ground Level lobby, I was feeling all confident. However, when I walked out of the front lobby and past the hotel front door. I realised that all the other people were quite casually dressed while I was in my one piece dress, which I felt a bit out of place because I think I was overly dressed. I guess I still do not have the confidence to go very far… So, I walked to The Straits Hotel entrance, which is just next to The Noble Resort Hotel entrance, took the lift up to Level 2 carpark and made it back to my hotel room… Was quite disappointed with myself as I was hoping to at least walk one round around the hotel. I guess I am still not confident enough to dress out as I just feel so out of place with my dress sense… Maybe I should start investing in those more causal female clothing so that I can blend in more easily… Maybe…

After returning to my hotel room, I was contemplating if I should make another attempt to walk out again but I guess fatigue gotten into me as I have not been sleeping well over the past weeks due to work and other stress matters. So after a few moments of "camwhoring", I decided to call it a night...

And with a heavy heart, I decided to remove my makeup and wig and started to transit back to my male alter self… After washing up, I packed all my CD wares into my luggage and also started to get ready for my return trip home tomorrow… So sad that my solo drive trip is coming to an end so soon… Well, I guess all good things must come to an end some day…

Sunday (Day 3)

I was woken up in the middle of the night by the noise of spattering on the window, then I realised that it was raining quite heavily. I actually could not sleep after that as I was just enjoying the view and sound of the rain over Melaka from my hotel window… I guess I was just reminiscing the experience over the past 2 days and looking at how I have to head back and go back to my normal male alter self-life once more…  Could not help but feeling quite sad actually.

Slowly, I just try to catch some more sleep as it is going to be another 3 hours of drive home later. I managed to doze off a little and woke up at around 6:30am. After that, I began washing up and started to move the luggage into my car to get ready for my return trip.

After a Bak Ku Teh breakfast at the shop just opposite the hotel, I started on my return home solo drive. The drive was quite normal just that I was caught in a bad weather situation when I was nearing to Ayer Hitam area. Luckily everything went quite smoothly. There was just a short jam at the Malaysia side check point but much to my surprise, the actual jam was at Singapore check point… I left the hotel at around 8:45am and managed to get home around 1:15pm. 

After I got home, I immediately took some of the lingerie for washing so that they can dry by tomorrow as I will be returning and keeping all my CD stuff back into my lair.

Looking back at this solo drive trip, it was quite fun and exciting. There were some learning points about going on a solo drive trip, these serve as reminders for myself to never repeat those mistakes again… But then, I also had fun for 2 days and I do crave for more CD time. However, I do not know when will be the next time when I can CD or visit Miss Y Studio again. That is why I really treasure every moment I get when I visit Joyce’s studio. Well, back to my male alter self and start slogging again, until next time… Cheers. 

PS : After I settled down, I began to tidy up my thoughts and penned down the procedure from the makeup lessons that I learned from Joyce. I did my best to capture the essential points and I do hope I get the chance to practice them. If you asked me, I do not mind going for refresher again if needed. 😁

My CD Journey (Part 22-A) - Solo Drive Trip Up to Melaka [3rd Visit to Miss Y Studio - Day 1]

The month of June has been a busy period for my male alter self especially the 2nd half of the month. Events after events, incidents after incidents, activities after activities, endless matters to settle, family and work. There is hardly any time for a breather or energy left after each day let alone to CrossDress and let Francesca out…

However, Francesca did managed to get a break that she wanted so badly. She managed to go on a solo drive trip up to Melaka to visit Miss Y Studio again *grinning happily”. It is those once in a blue moon period where the stars are aligned, the wife is out for overseas work trip and the peak period for work was just over and I can make a quick getaway over the weekend to Melaka and let my male alter self just disappear for over 55 hours (close to 2.5 days).

Previously, I have made a few trips up to Melaka, either for Francesca or for my male alter self. However, this one is different because technically this is the first time I am driving up to Melaka alone. The first time I went up to Melaka, despite that I went up alone, I took a coach, so I did not have to worry about driving or traffic. The previous trip where I went for the CD gathering, I was with Katie. And for the rest of the time when I went up to Melaka, I was with my wife and her friends, so driving up alone is quite exciting but also scary for me as I do not know what to expect.

There are a few reasons for doing this solo trip. Although I would very much like to have some company to go up to Melaka but each of us have a different work schedule and I do not like to impose on others just to accompany me. This was especially true since the last trip when Katie had to wait for me while I was doing my bridal photoshoot in Miss Y Studio. I felt so bad that she had to wait for me and wasted her time instead of doing something she liked… I did considered asking other sisters like R but I guess it is not convenient as it was quite impromptu. 

Another reason is that I really need to train myself to be independent and daring when it comes to driving in Malaysia. The last solo trip I did was more than a decade back in Australia (as my male alter self of course) and I did not feel as stressed. However, when it comes to driving in Malaysia, I was having more cold feet as I occasionally saw news of accidents on the North-South Highway and also Singaporeans and Malaysians drivers are not known to be friendly drivers unfortunately. So this trip was more of a dare mission for me to toughen up my gut and also to improve my skills in negotiating with other drivers on the road over this 240km long journey…

This time round, I decided to book 2 packages with Joyce to maximise my time there. I took a Personal Makeup Course and a Personal Album shoot package, which were spread over 2 days. My plan was to : 

1. Drive up to Melaka early Friday morning and arrive at the studio by 10am to 11am, do the Personal Makeup Course.
2. Session should be done by 5pm to 6pm. Clean up my makeup, drive to hotel and check in (passport is needed to check in and the front counter service staff will need to verify your identity, that is why I cannot keep the makeup on). 
3. On Saturday morning, drive down to studio again, do my studio shoot then keep my makeup on and drive back to hotel in CD form.
4. Then Sunday morning, drive back to Singapore. 

This sounded like a perfect plan for me. 

Enough of the background and rationale, now on with Francesca’s solo drive adventure… Did not realised that I wrote so much, so this blog will be split into 2 parts as usual…

Friday (Day 1)

Woke up early and prepared all the things needed for my solo drive trip. Before leaving, I then realised that I forgot about my bottled water for my medication, so I went back up since I was still at the carpark. All went well so far and I just set off for my journey. I thought I managed to clear my bladder but by the time I was in the Malaysia check-point side, my bladder was full again… A bit of FML moment… Must be my anxiety as it was my first time travelling up alone. Luckily there was no jam and I thought of going to the nearest petrol station, which is quite near to the check-point for a quick relief. However, little did I know that I need to turn out at a certain exit in order to get to the petrol kiosk… Another FML moment… I don’t know to laugh or cry. So I just hold on to my bladder until the next rest stop, which is on the North-South Highway. 

When I saw the rest stop, I immediately pulled over and make a dash for the toilet. This is the part which I feared most about travelling alone… As I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I did not stop my car engine, neither did I pull up the handbrake. I only left the gear in park mode and I thought I locked the door before making the dash. It was after my relief and as I made my way back to my car, I realised that my engine was still running… Really a WTF moment. If I had someone beside me, they would have either stayed in the car or reminded me to off the engine. Luckily no one carjacked me or drove my car off… Looking back, no wonder my car was honking when I was rushing to the toilet. I guess the remote keyless system was trying to remind me to off the engine and my brain was too occupied to realise it. Thankfully nothing happened but this was the “highlight” of the trip.

After my relief, I was able to fully focused on reaching the destination without any other stop. I left my house around 6am and I reached Joyce’s studio around slightly before 10am. Since I was early, I went to the MacDonald nearby to have my breakfast. I realised that they had the Nasi Lemak breakfast set, which cannot be found in Singapore. I decided to give it a try. It was quite nice and really filling actually. As I was still early (Joyce told me to reach by 11am but I decided to leave early to avoid the check-point jam), I decided to walk around the neighbourhood. 

At 11am, Joyce arrived and we started the Personal Makeup Course. Before the start of the session, I was asked to dress up in CD form first before the conduct of the lesson. I dressed up with a black OL outfit together with a set of straight wig. This is where Joyce pointed out some of the common mistakes of CD is that we tend to wear the wig too low as we wanted to cover our original hairline. However, not all the wigs are worn that way. Next, Joyce began conducting her lesson. I brought my own set of makeup kit and Joyce taught me how to use what I have. Of course I was lacking in quite a few items and she used some of hers to supplement. Guess I got a lot more to buy after the lesson. Joyce really took the time and effort to show how the makeup was done on one side of the face while I tried my hands-on on the other side. So it is not simply a session where she did the makeup for you, you have to practice it too. She also explained the rationale for doing certain things, such as using concealer for the eye bags area, bronzer for my puffy cheek. I realised that Joyce has very sharp eyes for highlights and shadows on the face. While it is obvious to her, it took me quite a while to notice it. This course was quite informative and it can be a case of information overload but thankfully I have some background in picking makeup from YouTube so I have some fundamental to work on. I tried to store as much information as possible and intended to jot down once I am back in the hotel. The session went really well. Thank you Joyce for her patience as I feel I am quite clumsy and unable to control the strength of some of my strokes and I tend go heavy on the colour… Joyce’s advice was to always go from light to heavy, to slowly build up the tone instead of going heavy initially. If going heavy on the initial stroke, then I will got to sweep and blend off or even touch up/remove with foundation.

After completing the makeup, I was pleased with the outcome. I looked different from my normal style of makeup where it looks quite heavy and flat. I could not help but admire myself. I took a few selfies and Joyce helped me to take a few photos in the OL outfit before we ended the session. 

After the makeup session, I removed the makeup, wash my face and changed back to my male clothing before making my way to the hotel for check-in. The whole session took like almost 7 hours as I was quite a slow learner… Thankfully Joyce really took her time and guided me along. 

I really enjoyed the course as I got to practice makeup, learned a lot of tips and tricks, and cleared a lot of misconceptions as I picked up my makeup skills using mainly YouTube and there are a lot of things I was unsure of or there is no proper explanation, I just simply follow and go with the flow. One thing that I realised about Joyce’s makeup style as compared to other CDs makeup. Hers has more focus on the contours of the face. Even though her makeup is quite subtle and light but her makeup was able to make the face pop and more 3D as compared to what I observed of others where they tend to do blanket cover makeup, which I was also guilty of…

After checking in into the hotel, I went to Jonker Street for a walk and grab dinner there before calling it a night. It had been a long day but I really enjoyed myself. Initially I wanted to use the rest of the night to reflect and capture what I learned and penned it down. But I decided to run through with Joyce tomorrow when I go over for my Studio shoot session. Looking forward to tomorrow. 

Scent of a Woman

I decided to take some time and get down to blog about something I discovered. I have been getting books on CrossDressing off Amazon and reading it as and when possible (not as if I can do it openly)... In one book titled "Feminizing Men - A Guide for Increased Joy in CrossDressing" by Barbara Deloto and Thomas Newgen, I came across a chapter called "Olfactory Sense", which talks about scent. The sense of smell tend to trigger the brain to associate certain scents with emotion such pleasure, pain, danger and so on, or they can be linked to some memories, may be good or bad. This is one interesting piece of information that got me thinking... Beside the Tactile sense (yes, this is Chapter 2 in that book) that can heighten the joy in CrossDressing, what are the smell that I can associate with Francesca? Or what is the scent that is suitable for Francesca? What is the scent that can make Francesca more feminine and increase her joy in CrossDressing? 

Or likewise, for fellow CDs and TSs, do you put on ladies' perfumes when you CrossDress to make yourself feel more feminine? This really got me thinking hard... Outwardly, my male persona is not really a perfume or scent guy and I tend to perspire a lot and it does smell bad. I wouldn't want Francesca to be associated with a smelly body odour. I love those aroma diffuser scents that have sweet yet citrus, refreshing with flora undertone but to hunt for a fragrance for Francesca is no easy feat. I do use body sprays like Lynx and the last men's perfume I got was like many eons back. Somehow, those scents are "more-like-a-guy" thing and does not bring out the feminine feeling that I want to associate Francesca with...

Coming from a more holistic viewpoint, a lady should look, feel and smell lady-like. It will be a dead give away when you see someone who dressed like a lady yet carrying a whiff of male cologne or strong body odour, that does not give a good impression and not the way a lady should be. It will be a case where either that "lady" does not take care of her personal hygiene or she is not a lady at all... This set me on the quest to seek the "Scent of a Woman"...  

Based on my recollection, most of my ex-girlfriends and even my wife now do not really use perfume normally and even if they used it, those smell does not appeal to me somehow. For example, my wife loves to mix essential oil but she used it for certain occasions like for calming and soothing purposes when she is having her menstrual cramps and those smells do not let me get that feminine feel or scent that I was looking for.

And so, I began my search to find a suitable perfume for Francesca. My initial thought was to go into one of those shopping malls and using the pretext that I am looking for a nice perfume for my wife and go around testing the different perfume. However, it is like finding a needle in the haystack, especially when I got no good idea what are some of the fragrances that a lady will like to wear. I was wondering where to begin when I thought of asking this question in a Telegram group for local CDs and TS's. I posted the question and the sisters in the chatgroup were quite helpful by suggesting some perfumes that I can check out, they are the Victoria Secret Bombshell, Chance Eau Tendre and YSL Mon Paris.

And with this lead, this got me started on my baby step to explore the world of scents and perfumes. I was contemplating about going to the shopping malls to check out these fragrances and I even thought of going to Mustafa Centre to take a look but I thought, why not just use the power of e-commerce and do some online shopping. The only downside is that I cannot smell the scent of the perfume physically... After much deliberation, I decided to go with the Victoria Secret Bombshell as it was the most recommended. I do understand that smell and scents are very personal preferences but I decided to give it a try as this is my first official female perfume that I bought for myself as Francesca. 

After a couple of days of waiting, the perfume came delivered to my door step and I tried them out behind closed door. I realised that scent is light but still nice. I dare not use a lot in case my wife suspected that I am having an affair outside but I really hope that I will get the chance to wear it out as Francesca. In the meantime, time to research on where are the best place to spray the perfume so that it can last longer and smell nice. Here are some of engaging facts I found off the internet for your reading pleasure. Currently, I am quite happy with this purchase as it comes in three bottles and I prefer the Victoria Secret Bombshell Intense more as it has a stronger tone but I will still continue to explore other perfumes as the search for the most suitable scents for Francesca continues. Until then, have fun and cheers.

(Taken off Tiv Perfume)

(Taken off fragrancex.com)

Village Hotel Changi

Finally found the focus to get back to complete this old post that I started by left it dangling at the start. This is my first review of those hotels that I used for my CD escapades and Village Hotel Changi by Far East Hospitality is one of my favorite till to date. I will explain why later in this article.

Village Hotel Changi is located 1 Netheravon Rd, Singapore 508502. This is in the East side of the Singapore island. The Check-in is usually at 2:00pm and the Checkout timing is at 12:00pm the next day. The price of this hotel varies but the range is around $150++ to $200++ (as of 2024). You can find out more about this hotel using this link here. 

Village Hotel Changi has the Superior Room and the Deluxe Room and quite a few other options, but usually I will just go for the Superior Room if I want to do a CD escapade. Unless I am hosting a bigger group or sharing with another fellow CD. If not, I feel that the Superior Room is cozy enough for me.

What I like most about this hotel is the layout and accessibility of the hotel lifts. The lifts are located in a centralized location and it can access not only from the hotel lobby to the various floors but also to the basement carparks as well. For me, as someone who drives and having to lug a suitcase of CD stuff when I go for my CD escapades, the accessibility of the lifts is very important.  

For my modus operandi, I will usually check into the hotel in my guy mode with a small backpack of personal guy items, once I got my room card key and also parking coupon from the counter, I will proceed straight to check out my hotel room and its location from the lift. Once I settled into the room, I would go to the Basement carpark to bring my luggage of CD stash that I packed up from my car boot to the hotel room to begin my CD session.  

If you drive to this hotel, you will need to drive and park in the basement carpark first. Before you got the Card Key, you can only get from basement carpark to the hotel lobby in Level 1. However, once you got the Card Key, you can access from the basement carpark to straight to the level where your room is situated. This is what I what I loved about this hotel.

For those CDs who wished to dress out, you can see where this is leading to. You can CD in the hotel room and take a lift down to the basement carpark with minimum interaction with other people and drive out for a CD dress out session easily. Coming back is equally easy since you got the Card Key to go straight to your level.

In terms of cleanliness and ambience of this hotel, the rooms are quite clean and the surrounding ambience is nice. There is even a rooftop swimming pool and chill area. This is why so far, this has been my go to hotel for my CD escapades. 

For more details, you can see the photos below. Cheers.