My CD Journey (Part 21) - The Final Upgrade? [My Largest Lair... so far...]

Can’t believe it is already 3 months into 2024. How are you all keeping up with your new year resolution? For me, I am trying to keep my blog alive by frequent articles. Not trying to outdo Isabelle but more of making my blog as a place of useful resources for fellow CDs (or even TSs) to visit. So far, I guess I am making the best of 2024 with another big news!!! Yes, I UPGRADED MY LAIR (AGAIN and AGAIN)… This has been the biggest lair upgrade ever and probably will not go beyond this size. My new lair is around 260 to 280 square feet, which worked out to be around 24 to 26 meter square. This is almost double of my previous lair, which is around 150 square feet or 14 meter square.

Some may question, why the sudden move to upgrade when I was trying to downgrade my lair size back in 2023? Well, the move at the start of 2023 was not by choice but because my previous landlord was trying to increase the rent price and the unit was really not in tip top condition for the price I was paying as it had high humidity in the room, causing some of my photography equipment to have mould… Hence I downgraded from 180 square feet to 150 square feet…

However, like I mentioned, having a lair or a storage space is going to bleed money in the long run regardless how cheap it can be. Hence I made a decision to share out my lair to another 2 CD sisters B and J. With the cost split, it was quite a breather for me. However, as time goes, our wares (for me, both CD and normal store stuff) start growing. I feel we might need a bigger space to be more comfortable. Hence I made the decision to start sourcing around.

Just coincidentally, my neighbouring unit was moving away, it happened to be the same neighbour who tends to work at wee hours and odd timing on the weekend. To me, it was quite a relief that they are moving and based on my recollection, the unit that they rented was quite big as I have seen the interior before. So I arranged for a viewing before committing with the move.

As moving the lair is no longer a one person decision, I have to discuss with my other 2 tenants, namely B and J. I worked out my financial side and see what is the comfortable amount for all of us and proposed to them. They are agreeable and I immediately sign the leasing agreement.

As the time when I signed the leasing agreement was about the Lunar New Year, I scheduled the move to be after the CNY period. Once CNY holiday was over, I went over to get the keys for my new unit and started moving. For me, as I was quite a seasoned office mover, I moved over to the new unit using only 2 days (I actually scheduled 2 weeks for my moving). B and J did wanted to help with the move but I guess I am more used to do the moving myself plus I usually will try to layout the room when I am in the midst of moving. 

After moving all our stuff over to the new unit, my next upgrade was the flooring to craft out the CD area. As I do not have sufficient SPC (Stone Polymer Composite) flooring pieces to cover the new area. I went back to the original seller but to my surprise, he was no longer in business. I got to make a tough decision, either to continue to using the current SPC flooring I have and find an alternative supplier who can supply the same or similar item or change all my SPC flooring and discard the old one. After much sourcing, I was met with disappointing results as it seems that suppliers tend to carry their own style of SPC flooring. So, I got no other choice but to throw away my old flooring and buy a full set of new ones… After ordering and getting the flooring, I realised that what I got was a softer version of SPC, which is known as LVT (Luxury Vinyl Tile). As they are softer, they are much harder to work with. It took me like 4 days just to get the flooring lay out. In the midst of laying the LVT, I gotten a lot of cuts on my hands and legs… Really putting in my blood for my lair… However, looking back, this is all worth it as the lair layout is really complete is so much more spacious now. Simply love it…

Now, to add the icing to this new lair, I gotten a larger standing mirror and also a mini bar fridge so that we are enjoy cold drinks after CDing. Really a lovely addition to the lair. Now what is lack is just some backdrop stand and some studio lightings and my lair is really complete. I guess my lair is more conducive for crossdressing now. Maybe I should consider converting my lair to a pay-per-use type of CD studio on top of my renting for CD storage with other crossdressers. Well, this really need more consideration. We will see how it goes. Cheers.

Oversea Remittance (Touch-n-Go)

I decided to add on to another post to my previous one to help our local SG CDs if they were to consider visiting Miss Y Studio in Melaka. This is regarding payment method. I do understand that overseas remittance sounds like a risky business especially if you do not know the other party well enough and also all the administrative details can be quite frightening at a first glance.

However, thankfully, I figure out another way of doing it and it is quite easy (for me at least). All you need to do is to install the Touch-N-Go app on your mobile phone. For those who do not know what is Touch-N-Go (TNG for short). It is much like Singapore version of NETS flashcard app.

For TNG, there is an app and also card. The TNG card is very useful if you travel to Malaysia often as you can use it to pay for toll and also car parks. The app can be used to top-up the card and also to send money using mobile phone numbers, much like Singapore version of PayNow. 

For those who are new to TNG app, here are steps to set it up.

Step 1: Install the app and sign up for an account. 

Step 2: When you click sign up, they will prompt for a mobile number. Even though TNG is an app for Malaysia use, you can still register using Singapore phone number.

Step 3: Setting up of 6 digit pins, much like a security pin or ATM pin for authorization.

Step 4: Keying in of personal information.

Step 5: Once the setup is done, you can Reload your TNG eWallet using the RELOAD button.

Step 6: The app will prompt you how much you want to reload. Once you selected the amount you wanted to reload, just click on "Reload eWallet".

Step 7: Once you click on "Reload eWallet", they will prompt you for payment. If you have setup your credit card details before, the credit card will be saved there. If it is your first time setting up, just click on "New Credit/Debit Card"

Do note that there is a 1% Credit Card bank charge but this is in Malaysian Ringgit.

Step 8: Once you have reloaded your TNG eWallet, you can transfer to any Malaysian mobile phone number. All you need is to click on "Transfer".

Step 9: All you need now is to key in the receiving party mobile phone number. 

Step 10: Confirm the transfer.

Step 11: Transfer completed. Just check if the other party received it.

Hope that this TNG walkthrough will help those who find it a hassle to setup an overseas recipient account. In addition, for those who are using bank transfer, the bank also charge an administrative fee of SGD3 if the overseas transfer amount is below SGD500, this is around RM10.5, which is much higher than that 1% credit card charge fee if we use TNG. 

There is also another method to transfer money to a Malaysian recipient using WISE but I am not too sure how it works but do feel free to explore. And with that, this will end my blog post on overseas remittance using Touch-N-Go app. Hope that helps. Cheers.

My 2nd Visit to Miss Y Studio - Bridal Photography Package (Backdated Post)

Happy Lunar New Year to my readers. Now is still within the first 15 days of the CNY period so it is still okay to wish all a Happy New Year. Technically now is also the 2nd month into 2024 and I am trying my best to keep to my new year resolution of blogging more. I decided to do a backdated post on my 2nd visit to Joyce studio since my blog was been visited by quite a few local CDs who are interested in visiting her studio recently. This blog post should technically be considered under "My CD Journey (Part 20-B)" but in order not to complicate my readers. I take this post as a sharing of my experience and also have some FAQs for those who are interested in visiting Miss Y Studio. Just to clarify, as of again, I was not asked or paid to by Joyce to write this or to promote her studio. I am writing this on my free will because I had good experience and I like to share it with my fellow local SG CDs.

If you can recall, back in December when I travelled to Melaka for my first CD gathering organised by Joyce. I decided to travel up to Melaka on Friday instead of Saturday, which was the actual day of the event itself. Well... The reason for travelling up one day earlier was that I was going for my 1st official studio shoot in Miss Y Studio. 

Yes, this was the 2nd time I am visiting Miss Y Studio but back in 2022, I took a package called "A Day Girl’s Life First Experience" where I got the chance to try some female clothing like the red jacket and skirt outfit, a JK school girl uniform and three wedding gowns. However, the package did not include any professional photography studio shoot. Joyce just captured a few photos using my mobile phone for keepsake. For this visit, I took up the CD bridal photography package Set B where I will be doing a bridal shoot. The details of the package is as in the picture below...

If you can recall from my previous post where I picked by another CD sister KT for my Melaka trip... Well, I technically dragged KT to Joyce's studio with me, more about that later. The appointment with Joyce was originally scheduled at 10am but due to miscalculation on my end, plus bad jam because it was the start of the Malaysian school holiday period. I only managed to reach Miss Y Studio at 11am. Thank goodness Joyce was not angry with me but I felt extremely bad because I feel that she needed some time to rest for the big event which is happening tomorrow, the 1st CD Gathering. She waited for me while I just parked my car and rush up to her studio. A bit more info for those who are considering driving up to Melaka to visit Joyce's studio. There are a few parking spaces around her studio, those car park spaces in front of the shophouses are for the tenants there and there is a carpark area with gantry entry from the MacDonald side (yes, there is a MacDonald around her studio, such a nice amenity to have). We should park in the car park area with the gantry entry in order to avoid getting fine. The payment for the carpark was using Touch-n-Go (TnG) card. I forgot how much was the car park charges but just keep the TnG above 15RM should be sufficient. 

Back to the studio shoot, Joyce let me select the gowns that I wanted for the bridal shoot. Since I chose Package B, the choice was to select one white bridal gown and another gown of a different colour. So I selected a red corset type wedding gown which I somehow fall in love with after trying it. Before doing the make-up, Joyce wanted me to wash my face first to remove the facial oil and also to moisturise my face in preparation for the make-up application. This is quite a common practice. After that, I started to put on the nu-bra sets, brasserie, corset, panty and pantyhose then I was ready for Joyce to do her make-up magic. Too bad I did not put on my contact lenses because I think it will just take more time, so I decided to give the contact lenses a miss this time round. 

Remember that I dragged KT to Joyce's studio... While all the things that I mentioned were happening, KT was also trying to put on make-up herself. Thank goodness she found some activities to entertain herself but I do feel really apologetic for dragging her to the studio instead of checking in to the hotel first before coming to the studio... Really appreciate that she does not mind coming to visit Joyce with me. Thank you so much KT. 

So after the make-up was done, I put on the first white wedding gown while Joyce convert her area into the studio for shoot. Even though the setup was small, it was cozy and sufficient. I finally realised that Joyce does have a lot of props in her studio. You will see some in my photo below. Joyce used one to two continuous lights with soft boxes for lighting and she was able to get some very nice shots.

Even though I have done wedding shots before for my own wedding, but I was in a guy mode. Having to fully crossdressed as a lady and to be in a wedding gown for a bridal shoot was like a dream come true for Francesca, to become a beautiful bride. The whole experience was quite mesmerizing even though it can be quite tiring. After the white gown, I changed to the red one. I must say, this has been one of my favourite so far... Throughout the shoot, Joyce was actively making sure that I lift my chin and to tilt to my head to an angle that can help to reduce my puffy cheeks from showing too much. It was really not easy for her to be the Make-Up Artist and also to be the photographer but she definitely does her work and play her role professionally. 

After the shoot, it was quite tiring for me and I believe it is for Joyce also. Joyce told me that she will need some time to process the photos as she also needs to prepare for the CD gathering tomorrow and she will have to process those photos taken at the event first. I told her no hurry as I was already thankful that she agreed to do the shoot for me despite her busy schedule. As I have not yet check in to the hotel, I will have to remove my make-up and change back to my guy attire before leaving the place. It was really a pity as I was hoping to be able to just keep my make-up on and dress out and walk along Melaka street with KT. 

And with that, that ended my 1st official studio shoot at Miss Y studio. After bidding farewell to Joyce, KT and I went to my car and we drove to the hotel and we had a very late lunch / early dinner that day. So if you followed this post, you can see how the whole chain of events fitted in nicely. 

Here are some points for considerations if you are planning to come to visit Joyce studio by driving. The normal check-in timing for hotel is around 2pm to 3pm, unless you can request for early check-in but the earliest I guess will be around 12pm to 1pm at best. For Joyce bridal Package B, it will take around 6 hours. Even if we started promptly at 10am, we should end around 4pm or 5pm max, which is into evening time. So it may not be advisable or undoable to check in into the hotel first before coming over to the studio. The best plan will be to come to the studio first and do the shoot. As the shoot should end around evening time, it will be good to inform the hotel that you will be checking in late. The setback for this plan is, you cannot keep your make-up on as the reception counter at the hotel will want to verify you and your passport when checking-in... So you can imagine the surprise for the receptionist if you were to check-in into the hotel in CD mode... 

For those taking coach, you can refer to my first visit to Miss Y Studio here. Coach has longer travelling time and less flexibility but it is definitely more convenient, ease of mind and do not have to worry about driving or other drivers. There are quite a lot of services that take you from Singapore to Melaka, we got CityLine, KKKL and quite a few others bus services. You can either check out BusOnlineTicket or Easybook to see the buses available and the timing. While most of the time, the buses usually will pick up early morning like as early as 6am, there are also evening to night service. For those taking evening or night buses, do note that you will most probably reached your lodging area quite late, so it will be good to inform your hotel or AirBnB about your estimated arrival time. Do try to factor in jam at the customs...

As for the hotel and lodging, the reason why I recommended The Straits Hotel and Suites or Noble Resort Hotel Melaka is because the coach does a stop and pickup there. So, it is easier if you are taking a coach. The carpark is also quite large, spacious and bright. So it does give me a piece of mind regardless if I was travelling by coach or driving. If you are taking Cityline, the other coach hotel stops include Hatta Hotel Melaka and Casa Del Rio Melaka. For other coach service, they might drop you at Melaka Sentral (which is a coach and bus interchange I believe) or Estadia Hotel Malacca. You can also check out some AirBnB for lodging but at your own discretion. So please do your research on where the coach will drop you and also what are the lodgings around.

If you are wondering why I never post this blog back in December 2023, this is because the main focus for my December trip up to Melaka was for the CD Gathering. Another reason was that Joyce initially wanted to close the studio on Friday so that she can focus on the CD gathering which was taking place the next day. However, seeing that it has been long since I last visited her, she decided to make an exception and open the studio for me. Having said that, this should not be taken for granted as I know Joyce was quite worried about the CD gathering as it was the first time she was organising something so big. So I really appreciate her gesture and going the extra mile for me... Lastly, the reason for this backdated post was because I getting some enquiries about Miss Y Studio's package recently and I think it will be good to clarify some doubts and give assurance to those local SG CDs who are interested in visiting her studio. 

Below are some of the questions that I feel some of the CDs might have regarding Miss Y Studio. I am answering based on my best knowledge and interaction with Joyce.

MISS Y STUDIO FAQs 

Q: Does Joyce (aka Miss Y) understand English?

A: Yes, she does. Even though she is more proficient in Mandarin, she can speak and converse in English. 

Q: Is it a must to shave armpit hair and leg hair?

A: For armpit hair, it is a must as most of the gowns are sleeveless (that is why they looked so alluring). For leg hair, you can wear a higher denier pantyhose to cover up. However, I feel it will be really nice to shave your leg hair to enjoy the full extend of the hosiery on your legs. If you do not mind, you can check out Smoovee Skin Hair Removal services. They are opening quite a few branches around Singapore. Do check them out.

Q: Are the CD clothing such as the gowns clean?

A: Yes. Rest assured that Joyce put personal hygiene first and will clean them after use. That is why she will be quite specific about putting those items or clothing used aside so that she will clean or wash them later. But if you have your preference, you are more than welcome to bring your own, maybe the more intimate wear like bra or panty.  

Q: Do we need to do challenge like to walk in high heels in order to try on the wedding gowns?

A: For bridal shoot package, there is no challenge involved. The challenges was more for "A Day Girl’s Life First Experience" package and I think Joyce has revamped this package already.  

Q: Is it a must to pay deposit?

A: Yes!!! You are booking Joyce's time and it is to lock your commitment to attend the session. It is just like any services that you engaged, paying deposit is a form of commitment to the deal. 

Q: Does Miss Y Studio accept PayNow?

A: Unfortunately no... Even though it was announced back on 17th Nov 2023 that MAS is launching a Cross-Border Real-Time Payment System between Singapore and Malaysia (see report here) but it does seem that this service is only available for certain group of users like some payment system operators. Maybe in the future I hope. 

Q: Is setting up for overseas remittance difficult?

A: Even though this process may seem quite dauting initially, it is quite simple actually. The payee address can be left blank if I remember correctly. Worse come to worse, just ask Joyce for more details.

However, there is good news. I just found out some ways of doing overseas remittance to Malaysia without the need to setup an overseas remittance account. You can check out my post here.

I hope that this post can help to clarify some doubts and remove the reservations that some of the local SG CDs might have with regards with Miss Y Studio. However, as again, a disclaimer statement here. Experience is a very subjective thing, what I experienced may work for me but may not work for you, so it really depends. I guess the key to enjoy your time at Miss Y Studio is to go with an open heart and open mind, and also open communication with Joyce and give her ample time to plan and process on her end. Cheers.

Do you CD in your wife's clothing or lingerie?

A question for those married CDs, are you still turn on by your spouse’s clothing or lingerie? Do you CD in your wife's clothing or lingerie? This thought crossed my mind while I was doing my house laundry (yes, I am the one doing the housework in my house). I believe quite a few CDs started their CrossDressing journey through coming in contact with some intimate wears by their female family members, be it your mother, aunt, sister or cousin. For me, it was my cousin’s half-slip and pantyhose (if you remember how I began my CD journey here). Back then, there were instances where I hid in the toilet to try on my mother’s bra and it was giving me a hard on. Those were the time when my male testosterones were still raging.

Fast forwarding to 30 plus years now, I realised that I was hardly turn on by my wife’s clothing or lingerie at all, much less wanting to CD in them. Yes, it is that sad, maybe it could be due to a drop in my testosterones. On the contrary, I could be much turn on by my own CD’s clothing and lingerie. I wonder if other married CDs faced similar situation… I know that some CDs felt quite indifferent when they crossdress but that sensual feel of the lingerie or clothing fabrics can be quite a turn on for guys and CDs alike. For me, when the lingerie and clothing that I wore brought out the feminine feel in Francesca and she feels desirable and it can be quite a turn on at times. 

I started to wonder what are the possible reasons that I am not turn on by my wife’s clothing or lingerie or have no desire to even consider CDing in them… This could be due to the fact that my wife hardly dress up and doll herself, maybe not just her but generally Singaporean women do not really dress up that much unless mandated by their work. Maybe it is the type of clothing she wore, they are not made of the fabrics or material that provide that sensual feel. Yes, she does not wear satin or silk or put on pantyhose when she goes to work… In some aspect, she lacked fashion and matching sense, from inner to outer wear. 

Starting with the inner wear, I know generally it might be hard to get matching brasseries and panties set but this is one important aspect when dressing up is to have matching or corresponding coloured bra to go with panty. If it does not match, it does look weird… Look at pictures of sexy ladies in lingerie, their brasserie matched their undies that they are wearing, be it panty, g-string or thong, the colour is always matching. But for my wife, it is anything goes, whatever is on the laundry rack, she just take and wear… The type of bra or panty also make a difference. Due to hot weather and ease of movement, my wife has more sports bra, which is practical to wear but does not really make one feel or look sexy… She also hardly got an satin or lacy bra, so you can see how unappealing it can be… While lingerie are usually worn inside and behind clothes and we can hardly see normally but it does make a difference to the vibes of feminine and sensual feel to the person wearing and the one viewing or imagining their spouse to be wearing them. This is definitely one good topic for “Portrait of a Lady”, which I have not written anything for quite some time already. 

Next, in terms of her work clothes, she is a pants, jeans, longer than knee cap baggy dress person, nothing that fanciful, all her skirts are longer and over knee length. For her tops, they are usually oversized tops, long sleeved or fitting size tee shirt. No OL looks… For her shoes, no heels for her, mainly flats… So you can see, with this dress sense that is unalluring, I can hardly feel turn on when doing her laundry… Besides that, she is much smaller size than me and I doubt I can fit into any of her clothing. I ever bought her some corsets and lingerie before but she hardly wear them… Alright, enough complaints about her and my unhappy life, back to focus on the topic. I guess with all the examples listed above, that really do not give me the motivation to CD in her clothing or lingerie.

I know some CDs who are really fortunate, their spouses accepted their crossdressing tendencies and they are both of similar build in terms of body sizes, hence they can share their clothing and even lingerie, that is such a godsend and perfect match. As the saying goes, couples who play together stay together. Those spouses who can accept their partners crossdressing and even share their clothing and play together are like unicorns and are hard to come by. If I were in their shoes, doing laundry can be viewed a blessing and maybe a turn-on from time to time, instead of seeing it as a responsibility or a chore. And with that, this has come to the end, time for me to get back on my role as the “house-husband”…   

Who will you choose? Cis-Men, Cis-Women, CDs or TSs?

It is already more than a week into the New Year and I do wish to keep to my new year resolution to blog more. I have quite a few topics to write on, so no worries about running out of topics. One topic that I felt it might be sensitive but I guess I will still put it out for discussion. This was one of the questions asked during the pillow talk session at the CD gathering at Melaka. The question is about sexuality, so if you feel uncomfortable or will be offended by this post, maybe you should not proceed any further. 

The question asked was, when we were dressed up as a CrossDresser, will we be more sexuality attracted to cis-women or cis-men? It was quite certain that all of us there said that we are still more attracted to cis-women and we downright reject cis-men (that was why we rejected a request from a cis-man who is a CD admirer for this gathering). Then the question comes, what about another MtF-CrossDresser or Transvestite? This was a tough question but I guess there was a level of more acceptance among all if the other party is really dressed nicely as CD or TS. Some may feel that there is discrimination against cis-men as Male-to-Female Crossdressers or MtF-CD for short, are male in their primary sexuality and if we as CrossDresser can be sexually attracted to another CD, why not a cis-man who got similar “organ”.  

I guess this really depends on individual. I know of CDs who make-out with cis-men, there are CDs who can accept cis-women only and of course, there are also CDs who are bi-sexual. I guess there is a spectrum in terms of acceptance and let us not be judgemental here about our likings or inclinations as what is poison to one might be meat to another.

I am no doctor or psychologist on the topic of sexuality but I will just express my thoughts as I tend to dwell into the “why”s of things. I guess men are generally visual creatures, and we (addressing this as my male alter-self) are attracted to what we perceived as beauty in our eyes, it is normal attraction. In fact, I know of cis-women who looks at other cis-women and commented how sexy the other party looked, even women looked at women because they know how to appreciate beauty. What is more with MtF CrossDressers who are generally driven by visual simulation, know how to be more feminine than a cis-woman themselves and how to appreciate beauty, aesthetics and class.

I guess that is the main reason why some CDs are more acceptable to the idea of having sexual relationship with another CD as oppose to a cis-man. It goes beyond just the sexual organ, it come as a whole. The overall looks and feel, the make-up, the wig, the intimate wear to the outer wear and the feminine vibes radiating inside the CrossDresser themselves. If any of these are lacking, there can be no sexual attraction to another CD. This is why those baby face K-pop male singers or boy bands are not attractive to some of the CDs. It is also not simply just slapping on a wig, putting on make-up and wearing female clothing will lead to sexual attraction of other CDs, it also has to be coupled with the internal vibes of feminism, the portrait or aura of a lady inside the CD themselves.

What about me? For my male alter-self, I can accept all cis-women no doubt but I have my reservation for a CD in my male form even how attractive the CD may be. This is due to the logical mind in my male alter-self that will always upkeep that image for himself and be more guarded. However, when Francesca takes over. Behind that make-up, feminine persona and all, her heart is more open. She is also accepting all cis-women and towards other CDs, she adopted a more accepting and curious stances. Purely depends on the flow of things goes and how things developed, not anticipating or expecting, respectful play maybe, nothing vulgar or crude or extreme. I feel that is the level of acceptance I can tolerate. As a CD, I felt that I should be more selective when it comes to intimate and private matters and bear in mind that not every CrossDressers who CrossDress want to have sexual relationship with other guys or even other CDs for that matter. 

The discussion here is written more of a generalisation, based purely on my personal perspective and not supported by any scientific studies or evidence. Everyone is entitled to their views and also preference in terms of sexual attraction, be it with cis-men, cis-women, CDs or TSs (MtF or Ftm). There is no right or wrong, only your comfort and acceptance level. 

Looking Back at 2023 (A Reflection of my CD Journey in 2023)

I can't believe that I managed to squeeze out 6 blog postings in less than half a month. It has been a mad rush but I still managed to complete blogging about my first overseas CD gathering postings before 31st Dec 2023. I guess I will take some time to look back at this year from Francesca perspective and also Francesca's wish for the coming new year. 

Looking back at 2023, it was a year of Lows and Highs. I started this year on a bad note as my original lair's landlord was "accusing" me of using too much electricity and suspected me doing bitcoin mining, hence incurring high utilities bill on his end. This was much to my surprise as I hardly go back to my lair due to the busyness with my work. I did suspect that this was just a plot by the new landlord as an excuse to increase my rental price since an increase in GST and also returning to normalcy after 3 years of COVID pandemic. With the increase of 1% GST, I understand that my landlord need to mitigate his cost but he was proposing increasing my rental from $700 + 8% GST to $1000 + 8% GST. That is really robbery or some way of getting me to leave his place. Luckily for me, one door closes, another opens. I moved to a new lair within the same area and the facilities was much newer as it was a newly renovated office unit. However, it was technically a downgrade as I was originally having 180 sq ft but now my current unit was 150 sq ft. Well, beggars cannot be choosers unfortunately. 

2023 was also a year of first. Francesca had her real first dress out session some time around end of March when my wife went for an overseas work assignment. It was a golden opportunity not to be missed and I was glad that I took that bold step forward to dress out in public as Francesca. Even though it was within a small vicinity called Galaxy 28 Bistro but that to me was a good start. That night, Francesca got to know quite a few CD sisters, namely Stephanie, Lulu, Candy, Ashley, Jacelyn, Yuki and Chanel. Ever since after that first dress out session, Francesca was tempted to dress out in public on her own, but because of the new lair's neighbouring unit who was always staying late in office, this made it really hard for her to go out.

In term of my alternate life, family planning was in the midst of progress but yielding no results so far. It was really frustrating and depressing when bedroom affair with my significant other was becoming more and more mundane and mechanical. There is a lack of passion and at times, I really dragged whenever I knew that she was in her period, that would mean that her fertile period was coming up... As baby planning was not going as well, both my wife and I have to seek medical help; we went to women's clinics and hospitals for checks, doing tests here and there, we tried Chinese medicine, alternative medicine and so on, but to no avail. As much as it was taxing and upsetting for my wife, I also felt the heartache and dejection as my male alter self. Plans for more complex procedures were considered and it is a hefty decision and may not yield any results in the end. This further worsen my mental and emotional stress that I was facing. In this current state of things, there is hardly any physical, mental and emotional capacity for Francesca to take form. For months, after my first dress out session, I was in my lows again.

Just when I thought things could not get any worse, my hard disk that I used to store my photos and videos of Francesca clashed. There were pre-emptive signs and I was planning to transfer all the media onto my NAS. However, my procrastination self got the better of me and I paid a high price for my laziness and over complacency. At this stage, I was quite ready to throw in the towel and quit crossdressing again. But I decided to give myself and Francesca a break and it was going to be a long break.

Around the same period of time, since I have not been dressing up, I started to see that my new lair as a white elephant, a constant money sinking liability. In the past, I would visit the lair at least once a week, but with what I was going through; coupled with work stress taking a further toll on my state of body, mind and emotion. I was like swinging by my lair only once a month. This was when I decided to bend my own rules about not co-sharing or subletting my lair out to other CD sisters. It was a tough decision but it had to be made. I was really thankful that I found 2 other CD sisters to co-share the lair with me now. Yes, I did not blog much about this even though it was considered as an important decision along my CD journey... but I guess sharing it here for my 2023 reflection would be as good. I got to know B and J from a SG CD telegram group and they were looking for a rental space unit. I decided to approach B and she shared that she had a current offer but she was still considering, she would be sharing the unit with J. This was when I decided to make the offer to them and let them visit my lair, but the only thing is... We all will be in guy mode when we meet up. We all agreed and arranged a day for my lair visit. I met them at the building lobby area before leading them up to my lair. I started to introduce the layout of my lair and also how to operate some of the stuff. It was not much of a tour but I let them consider if they wanted to co-share with me. Since I was already using half of my lair for my male alter-self storage and the other half for Francesca stuff, I did not feel it is fair to split the cost evenly among the three of us. So instead, I bear half of the whole rental cost and the other half was split between the 2 of them. Quite decisively, B and J decided on the spot and agreed with this arrangement and I handed the newly minted room keys to them. That really helped to reduce my overhead and also better utilisation for my lair, killing two birds with one stone. And with that, my lair welcomed its new tenants. 

The main highlight for 2023 and also my last part of my look back was my first overseas CD gathering organised by Joyce aka Miss Y Studio. Like I mentioned, I was at rock bottom when this invitation for a CD gathering reignite the flame of hope in Francesca. Preparation started almost like close to 2 months before the actual event, where I have to juggle my male alter self schedule and commitment and also how I can prep Francesca to be all ready for this event. I was really happy and glad to have attend this gathering where I made new CD friends and forge new bonds, it was a great pleasure knowing them, namely MM, J, HY, WE, L, MK and KT. Hanging out with other CrossDressers, having photo shoot and change parade, taking selfie/wefies like a girl. Francesca totally enjoyed herself as she was able to be a lady for a day, it was a beautiful experience. Of course, I must thank Joyce for including me in the invite for this event. It has been close to a year since I last visited her at her studio but she still have not forgotten about me. She is such an awesome organiser, a skilled Make-Up Artist and Photographer, most of all, she is a real and true friend. I was also thankful to have met KT who had also signed up for this gathering event. She is such an understanding and accommodating CD friend and I was glad to have met her in person and can became close friend. And with that note, I will bid 2023 goodbye.

Now, my wish for 2024 as Francesca... Of course, I wish I could become slimmer so that I can have more options for dresses and gowns. Yes, some of the sellers on TaoBao are not CD size friendly, or at least, they are not carrying 4XL, 5XL sizes for their dresses... My health has not been in top condition also, that is something I should really work on instead of just paying lips service where I talked and wished but no action taken... I will try to stick to my plan for intermittent fasting programme and see if I can get some Duromine to help if needed. I must really learn to control my emotion instead of using eating comfort food to destress. Hopefully, that can help to cut my body weight and size down to 75 ~ 80kg and in turn helped to reduce my double chin.

Of course, my next wish is to go for facial treatment to remove all the bumps, humps and craters on my face, especially those black head holes. Also, I was trying to find treatment for my legs scars. I really wish to remove those 5 cents and 10 cents scars on my legs so that I can wear sheer pantyhose and stockings. I have always wished to wear sheer pantyhose or stockings but due to the scars on my legs, I tend to wear higher denier pantyhose to cover them. Not that I do not like higher denier pantyhose or stockings but having a nicer legs allows me to have more options in terms of my hosiery selection.

For this coming new year, Francesca also wished to have more opportunities to dress out, meet more CD sisters and attend more CD gatherings. If that is not possible, she hope that she will be able to dress up more often in the lair at least, to rebuild her photos and videos collection that was lost in the HDD clash... Next is upgrading of make-up skills, I have always wanted to engage a MUA to properly learn how to do make-up. It was after my visit to Joyce that I know that I have still quite a long way to learn. I know that another CD sister J would be interested too. Probably a good time for me to check back at some of the FB messages and get the contact for that CD friendly MUA to conduct class for us. Besides all these, I wished to be able to update my blog more regularly, keeping it alive and vibrant so that my readers got more topics to read. I did have some inspiration after my Melaka trip. What I need is the discipline to keep writing. Haha...  

Last but not least, with 2 CD sisters sharing my lair now. I was considering of expanding to a bigger space. It is not greedy for more space but this is to allow for other sisters to use my lair as their secret base. KT did expressed her interest in renting my lair for her production. That is something I was considering also. Of course all the factors have to consider as the decision to move my lair is no longer one person's decision but a collective agreement among those sharing the room. I definitely love the current area where my lair is situated. Maybe I can give my current agent a message to check if they got any available rental space, which is bigger than my current office room size but still within a reasonable price range.

I cannot believe that I can finish this post before today ends, as we slowly march forward into 2024. Just like to wish all a Happy New Year 2024 ahead and may all your wishes come true. Not forgetting, I wish that wars on all fronts will come to an end and peace on Earth will return again. Cheers.  

My CD Journey (Part 20-D) - My First Overseas CD Gathering [The Post-Event Reflection]

Now, for the final post to conclude this overseas CD gathering. Day 3, Sunday, today marked end of the event. Continuing from where I left off. I slept at around 2am but I was awaken at 5:45am by my alarm, which I forgot to switch off. Not sure why, guess I still could not get over the excitement of this whole experience. Despite I slept like only 3 to 4 hours, I felt rather refreshed. I went downstairs to check and no one was awake yet. So I crept back to bed and snooze a little longer. At around 7am or so, I started to hear some noise downstairs, so I made my way down (yes, the villa was 2 storey type with 3 bedrooms on the 2nd floor). I was met with WE and MM but in both guy mode this time. I was quite surprised that how different they looked while in CD mode. This was technically my first time seeing them in guy mode as both of them were scheduled to do their make-up at Joyce / Miss Y Studio at an earlier time slot yesterday (9am and 11am time slot). Rather than feeling awkward since all of us were in guy mode, we just started chatting like normal, as how we did in our CD self. 

As time passed by, all the other CD sisters began to wake up. All were in their guy mode except for MK, who managed to sleep in her wig and make-up and feminine sleepwear. Joyce called to check in on us and asked if we needed breakfast. Luckily for me and KT, I prepared cup noodles, which I gotten from the minimart near the hotel the night before. Not long after, Joyce arrived with her breakfast and we all had our breakfast together. After breakfast, we started to clean up the villa a little as we were supposed to return the villa to the owner at 12pm.

As we waited for the villa owner to come and take over the property, all of us were seated outside at the courtyard. Enjoying the sea breeze while we chatted about our views and opinions about this first CD gathering organised by Joyce / Miss Y Studio, next year gathering plan and so on. Some shared with Joyce how they continued with their costume change and selfie taking until 3am in the morning, yes, some still continued after they left our room after our chatting session. Throughout this time, I can feel that all the participants were so real and true in their personalities, either their male alter self or their CD self. Everyone just managed to clique so well. The credit should go to Joyce as she was quite selective about who to invite for this event. Maybe more about this later at the reflection part. 

After the villa owner came and inspected the property to make sure all is in order, we handed over the keys and left for the studio. Throughout the journey, I was enjoying HY's stories about the CD community in Malaysia but the only difference is, we were all in our guy mode this time. Once we reached Joyce / Miss Y Studio, it was time for us to part as the event came to a close. I could feel the sadness inside each of us as we bid farewell to each other. This was especially true for some of the CD sisters who went straight off from the villa instead of gathering at the studio. I could sense that moment of downheartedness as some of the cars went their separate ways, that longing feeling that this gathering could have last a little longer. I guess we all had so much fun that seeing it come to an end or parting with new found friends felt so melancholic. 

Before we left, Joyce gave each of us a little parting gift, which she specially prepared for us. We were really surprised by this gesture and appreciated that she had put in so much effort to ensure that this event went well. As I left my luggage inside her studio and I also needed a space to pack, so some of us went up to her studio and waited for me to finish packing. I actually brought a large hard case luggage but I did not want to bring it to the villa due to space constraint as we were supposed to travel in 3 cars. 

After I completed my packing, it is time to make our way home. But before we left, we gave Joyce a heartily hug to express our appreciation to be invited for this gathering. And with a heavy heart, we bid farewell to her and that marked the end of the whole 2 day 1 night gathering event. MK suggested that the remaining few of us to grab lunch before heading to our respective destinations. We agreed and we went to a fusion Japanese restaurant to have lunch. MK, MM, J, KT and myself went for lunch at the restaurant recommended by MK. At the restaurant, we were met up with MK close lady friend who joined us for lunch. It was great to make another new friend on this trip. This restaurant served interesting Jap food and I would not mind coming back again next time, either as Francesca or my male alter-self. 

After lunch, it is really time for us to part ways... KT and I began our trip back to Singapore. It was a long drive, taking around like close to 6/7 hours but it was really great to have KT as my company throughout this trip. We talked from our life encounters, experiences, our ups and downs, so many things to talk about. I really appreciate her and was really glad to met her face-to-face. I was not expecting anything initially but having her by my passenger side made the long drive return trip back to Singapore so vibrant. After we reached KT's house, it was time for us to say farewell to each other. We gave each other a light hug as we were both glad to have made another good CD friend through this gathering.

Finally, it was time for me to head back home and put this whole overseas CD gathering to full stop; time for Francesca to head back into hibernation mode again. As much as this closure sounded downhearted, I knew Francesca had her fun and her time through this gathering trip. She was so recharged and alive and had fun. She totally enjoyed been herself for the last 3 days and that was enough. Until next time, and with that, Francesca will like to bid all good bye (for now), take care and thank you for following me through this long 4 parts posting.

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Post-Event Reflection

After the dust has settled and the adrenaline from the excitement of this trip started to wane off, it is good time for me to look back at the event, my first overseas CD gathering organised by Joyce / Miss Y Studio. This post-event reflection was purely written by me from a neutral perspective and not paid by anyone. My aim is to be as objective as possible for others who may be interested in attending similar events organised by Joyce / Miss Y Studio next time.

Overall, the event was really well organised. Starting with the venue selection, Joyce and HY and the rest of the CD sisters chipped in with the suggestions while Joyce was hunting high and low for a nice place to organise this event. It was not an easy feat as Joyce was mindful of the amenities available in the villa. E.g. not having security camera in the villa to protect the privacy and identities of the participants, having a nice view surrounding and so on. As seen from my previous posting, the villa selected was an excellent choice but I did not really do justice to the villa as I did not take all the pictures (e.g. the porch, the pool and so on). But that villa was really lovely and perfect for this gathering.

Next, participants selection. As much as from a business start point, opening up the invitation for this gathering event to the public would yield more responses and participants. Joyce did had her reservation and consideration. As this was the first time she was organising this event, she decided to cap the number of participants to a maximum of 10 pax for easier management and she also did not open straight up to the public. In fact, she shortlisted a number of participants who had visited her studio before and she extended her invitation to them only, much like a closed door invitation. I felt that this is a very good call as the participants that she selected were someone she knew (maybe except J, who was invited by MM, but still, J blended into the group really well) and with a pleasant personality, someone who can get along well with others. I feel that most of all, we were selected as we were someone who can be truthful and real. Despite the initial plan was to have 10 CD sisters, the initial registration was actually 9 participants but one had to pull out last minute due to personal issue, that is why we ended with 8 in the end.

Next, event organisation and planning. As mentioned, the whole event was really well organised. The timing for the make-up for each crossdresser was at 2 hours, and that was quite common for Joyce as she really put in the time, effort and skills in terms of the make-up. The before and after effect as I mentioned above, there was quite a huge difference between the male alter self and CD self. Next, the travelling time to the villa from studio was at maximum 30 minutes drive, that is not too far hence not much time was spent on the roads. In terms of the planned event, I was thankful that Joyce did not plan too much activities or challenges, like the ones I experienced during my first visit to her studio, e.g. walked in super high heels with ping pong ball between the legs kind of challenge. It was purely photo-taking, bonding, chilling, karaoke-ing (if you sing), chit-chatting, selfie/wefies taking, enjoying ourselves in our full CD form. 

I feel the main highlight besides the evening gown photo-taking was the sharing session where we shared about our CD experience and journey. HY was leading the discussion while Joyce helped to manage and facilitate the session, Despite that this sharing segment can be quite sensitive for some, others may have the emotional and mental baggage to overcome, but still we were all so at ease to share our hearts out, knowing that there is no barrier or feeling of been judged or guarded. Although there was a list of planned activities, but letting the event run free and easy allowed more room for free play and exploration, e.g. some CD sisters wanted to do change parade into the different costumes or clothing they brought and take photos as they hardly got the chance to do it any other time.

To me, the whole CD gathering was more for us to know other CrossDressers, for us to interact and socialise, to share our CD journey and experiences and most of all, for us to enjoy ourselves been in the shoes as a lady for a day. That by itself really made this whole CD gathering so memorable. Hope I am not overselling this event but to me, Francesca really enjoyed herself by been a lady, to be such a beautiful lady for a day, wearing a wig for almost 12 hours straight, wearing a lady's inner and outer wear as a woman, to be mindful of the way she sit, walk and eat, to walk around in the villa fully as a woman. This experience is priceless and I will really love to do this again and again. 

Much been said, everyone's experience and expectation will be different, but I feel that the key to enjoy this type of CD gathering is to go with an open mind and open heart, out with all the judgement from the society and embrace what is to come. Things may cropped up but seeing how Joyce managed it, you can be rest assured that all will turn up well. And with that, thanks for reading. Cheers and out.